4 months ago i left my ex. We had been together for almost 2 years and i am expecting a baby in 2 months that he is the father too.
I left him because he was controlling and abusive in every way sexually financially verbally emotionally etc and i was not aloud any contact with any of my family. And from the minute i told him we were expecting he told me i had to terminate. When i refused he started to physically abuse me to i ended up in hospital with a threatened miscarriage that night i planed my excape to save my baby's life. I then took a restraining order out on him.
Before i meet this man my life was set i had my dreams at my finger tips i had almost enough money to put a deposit on a unit i worked 2 jobs one being my dream job 6 days a week most weeks and i was the happiest i had ever been in life. Then i meet him and he took it all from me my money my jobs not only that but my dignity and slef worth. I look at my slef in the mirror every morning and just cry i miss my gym body and the glow that i had in my self and now all i see is someone who is so damaged i stack on the make up to cover up where he gave me a black eye that is still swollen and discolored. I feel so ugly inside and out.
Its been only 4 months and i have been told he is out most weekends and is meeting girls i don't get how he can do this as i am carrying his child it just makes me see that he truly doesn't care about her which hurts most of all. I saw him the first time since i left last week to collect my property from his house. I was escorted by the police where he cried the whole time. He had it all planned, he told the police he had jewellery i left behind and he handed me an engagement ring telling me he wants me to wear it. This made me sick i have refused that ring 3 times now and i know he had been out partying the night before and adding plenty of women on facebook liking there half naked photos. The police stood back and let him come near me and emotionally abuse me.The way he acted that night was what he did to make me stay every time i tried to leave and he was doing it again. Telling him after that he needs his friends around to support him through this hard time yet it is him who is the abuser. I feel now like i am the one in the wrong and he is the victim the police supported his bad ways and now he probably thinks he can get away with anything. I eneded up in hospital twice this week where i went into early labour from the fear and stress of being in the same room as him. This man was the worst mistake that i ever did in life. I feel like i am not going to move on from it all to justice is made and the law locks him away i worry about the next girl he gets into a relationship with and what he will do to her as i am not the first. But why do i feel so hurt that he has already slept with someone even though i hate this man and he was doing it when we were together? How do i stop feeling so heartbroken. How do i stop grieving for my life back 2 years ago before he took it all from me?
Needing some support
Needing some support
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
5 Replies
Domestic violence/abuser relationships are really hard to over come. It is really important to get yourself some mental health support while you go through this period of your life. So go see your GP and get a referral for ongoing counselling.
I could give you a bunch of answers and reasons and list words like co-dependence, low self esteem etc but I think it's really important to work through with your own support person so you can understand what is happening for you.
It does get better, it takes time but gets so very much better
https://www.1800respect.org.au
Yes this man abused you and yes it is incredibly unfair. Please remember, YOU are in control of your destiny and no one else. Do not feel guilty for this scum, he abused you multipul times and his actions have lead to his position. He doesnt seem capable of putting a babies needs before his own and therefore will not be good in your childs life.
Having a child by yourself is very scarey but you seem like a strong women, you will get through it and you will be able to find your old self again. Lean on your friends and family to get you through, take it one day at a time and do not allow this man to manipulate you anymore.
You will hate hearing this but this is your hormones talking when it comes to your child. As of now it is YOUR child not his. He made his choice and he doesn't get to take back his words and be forgiven for his actions. (Not yet anyway see a counsellor as well they will help) That is his immaturity trying to get to your good heart.
You are now a mum. The baby isn't born yet but your instincts as a mum have kicked in so much that now you are second guessing what is right for YOU and trying to put your babies needs first. You beleive that a child NEEDS both parents. Well let me tell you from 16 yrs experience... NO bub doesn't. Bub needs a strong role model in a parent. That is you. If he or she needs a male role model in life then your dad or brother or brother in law down the track will be good enough. You see that man in your past will never be what you want him to be no matter how much he cries to get his own way. That is a very immature person who will only ever put himself first & never a child. Remember that ok.
You CAN be that strong person again and the quickest way to do that is by forgetting him. Keep him OFF the birth certificate. I know this will go against your good nature and lying is probably the hardest thing to do but if his name is on that you will have trouble and heartache for years that you dont need. Let centrelink or and his friends think you had an affair. Afterall you and your family and loved ones are the only ones that know the truth. My sons father didn't want anything to do with him but if I tried to move on her used my son as a way of getting back at me because his name was on the birth certificate. He kept me from living close to my family and getting a passport for my son so we could have an overseas holiday. He doesn't pay maintenance and if i hear from him its because csa havd taken money from his account. He now keeps his money in his wifes account so they cant take it. He hasnt seen his son in over 8yrs. Trust me it gets easier but thats only because I have an almost grown up son who is responsible and respectful and knows right from wrong. He wouldn't have had that with other party in his life.
Please mumma write down all your hurts and fears and light a candle and burn each issue and let them be free from your mind. Your priorities now are you and your baby and a life with that grub in the past. Change your name on Facebook and block him and all of his friends so he doesn't find out what is happening in your life. Get your family to do the same. Be very careful what is published online about you and your baby. Let the child have your last name and if you get married down the track to a wonderful dad to your child then you can change his/her name without having to seek permission from his/her dad.
Good luck hunni. Chin up!! your baby is the reason you got out of that toxic relationship and is here to save you from yourself. Xo
Run! Now! Move interstate, change your name if you have to. Don't tell him when bub is born. Give the baby your surname, NOT his. Don't put him on the birth certificate. Disappear, completely cut him out of your life and don't look back. Try to forget him and move on with your new life as a new woman and new mum.