HI,
I just want to ask a question.
I have 4 children ages ranging 5-10..i split with my ex-husband almost 3 years ago and i have a new partner whom ive been with for 2 years..My question is my 10 yo still cries sometimes wanting his mum and dad back together (which will NEVER happen ) ive tried explaining that we are much happier not being together anymore but he seems depressed and has begun lashing out at his brother and sisters.. just wondering if anyone has any tips?..QUESTION 2 - also wanting some advice on what role a step parent plays?..ive never been one before and my current partner has no children of his own and sometimes seems harsh on my kids i think i want to know is it hard being the step parent?..
5 Replies
its always hard to be a step parent, if we don't discipline were in the wrong, if we "over" discipline were wrong...being a step parent is harder than being a parent.
a step parent is always judged, by every angle..were judged by the ex, society, the children and the partner.
please, give him break...hes trying his best :)
Believe me, being a step parent AND a 'normal' parent myself. It's so hard being the step parent! He's probably trying his very best. He doesn't have any children of his own, he probably doesn't know what's fair in disciplining children & how to discipline according to age. Maybe let him know how you feel & give him constructive criticism so that it doesn't feel like just criticism. Good luck!
I would get him to see a councillor, even though your been apart along time so e lingering issue may still be upsetting him.
I've been a stepparent for 9 years. I love my stepdaughter like crazy and we are very close, but it also has it's hard times. You are a stepparent so you have to treat the child as if they are your own not showing favouritism towards your own child (the love you feel for your own and a step child is very different, but you can't show that) and no matter what I'm going to have to always live with the ex in your life. Everything you do has to be planned around another family. It's not easy, but it was my choice to take on this relationship so have to make it work.
As for your son, get him some counselling, maybe the school counsellor could help?
As for the step parent role. I don't let anyone that comes into my life parent my children beyond what I'd expect of a baby sitter. So they either follow my lead, and my parenting style and mine is absolutely the final word, and any major disciplining other a a verbal reminder of house rules is left to me.
There are some reasons I do this.
1. I don't want my kids to believe that to be the disciplinarian I need a man to back me up (as who knows what the future brings)
2. I don't think it's fair on the step parent to play any kind of bad guy role and put them in that position at least in the early years
3. They are my kids and at the end if the day they are absolutely 100% my responsibility.
The step parent role in my opinion is to be my partner, support me and like my kids.
Im the original poster..I do try and help him and give him advice and never re correct him if i think hes disciplined my kids wrong in front of my kids..i would be more than happy to take on every aspect of parenting but he wanted a say in what happens with the children..and when i do try and talk to him about it he says im too soft on them and hes very much stuck in old ways hes 37 and he believes i should be smacking my children more so they get that what they are doing is wrong and im not that type of person..i also have a son who is adhd and the dr has wanted to speak to all of us to try help with way to cope with my son and my partner has said he wont go as he isnt going to treat my son with adhd any different to my other children...and yes ive spoken to the school regarding a Councillor so hopefully that will start soon with my mr 10