I guess it's not a question just having a vent.
My husband told me a few hours ago after opening presents (it's Christmas day) and then having sex that he couldn't do it anymore. I cheated on him three months ago when drunk (he found out pretty much immediately). He says he can't continue on so I went to my parents house for Christmas lunch with my daughter (16 months old) as he told me an hour before we were to go. So we went by ourselves and he has just let me know he's packed his stuff and gone, leaving the key.
I know I made a massive mistake. I'm not condoning my actions. I hate myself for doing this to my daughter and husband. It's just a sad day.
13 Replies
Ur lucky he stayed that long he tried but couldn't do it anymore. I don't even know if I could of tried.
We are all human, an we all make mistakes, some find it easier to forgive then others unfortunately it was a deal breaker for him, it's horrible that he chose Christmas to break the news, although it's always going to hurt, but you will live an learn from this, an I hope better things to come for you in the new year, love to you hun xxx
Im sorry hun. Mistakes are mistakes, sadly some people cant move on. It was a pretty big mistake but to choose Christmas day is a bit rough. Take time for yourself and your daughter. Mourn the loss of your relationship, that is only natural. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Im not saying your actions were ok, but whats done is done. You cant take it back now. Try to move forward and be a great mum. Hang in there sweet xxx
As long as you learn from your mistakes then you can continue to move forward. It's a sad situation but all will work out in the end. Be strong for your daughter.
I just wanted to say I understand how you feel and ignore these women giving you their unhelpful opinions! I too made this life changing mistake when drunk and I have never regretted something more in my entire life. Of course I feel for your husband as I saw how heartbreaking it was for my then fiancé ( we married 3 months later and are very happy!) but you need support too soI just wanted to say stay strong!!
Cuddle that little girl. Don't let her see you upset. Tell her how much you and daddy love her. Give him as much space as you can. He has tried to keep it together by the sound of it and Christmas is a big stressor. Some people can never get over something like this, some can. Much love either way.
Casey
Unfortunately you've made a mistake & although you seem to have realized that, there are still consequences, as hard as they are to deal with right now. It also seems your mistake has had consequences your husband can't deal with ATM either, I don't know for sure but I think him being intimate with you was his chance to see if he could get past what has happened ... & unfortunately it seems he can't. Xmas is stressful & he was probably hoping as much as you, that this would not destroy your family & it seems he's tried as much as you, but it may be that when he is intimate with you he is constantly thinking about you with another man.. & he realized at that moment that he can't get past it... At least at this time. Maybe in time he will so I would keep trying... I believe he loves you & your family but it would be just as hard on him to get over if not harder, than it is for you. Good luck & don't lose hope but give him space. Xxx
Lauren
...I feel for the whole family. Sadly it's a terrible mistake & a hard lesson but it's a mistake made knowing at the time it was wrong. I have no doubt she has learned so much through this and had instant regrets over what she did but sadly ( & they may have been intimate a few times not just the once) I believe he just realized this time round, that at this time, he can't get past it & get it out of his head. If they had been intimate before he was probably wanting and thinking as much as her that eventually he will get over it & just give it a bit more time ... But this time, possibly also being the time if year, he just broke & it hit him that at this stage he can't. It's obvious they both love their family, as both have tried, it may be the end but it may just need time & understanding. Counseling may be something to consider down the track but I wouldn't push it yet.
Although i do not find the need to slam this women with insults, reality is this is on her.
What positive feedback can really be offered. This women does not need a bashing I'm sure she is doing that herself enough, he certainly does not need bad mouthing as he was the one cheated on. No excuses!!
And as far as the sex goes maybe he was hoping christmas day romp would bring back those feelings he has lost due to being cheated on. As somebody who has been cheated on sex can play a huge part in realisation of where you're relationship stands.
Im not a perfect judgemental mother by any means but i am wondering why it is that women can say or do anything in these posts and they are always the victim?
Sarah
Look at the whole picture here!
She KNOWS she did the wrong thing, she never said she didn't, but he chose to leave on Christmas Day after having sex with her?! What about their daughter, she will always know that her daddy left on Christmas Day, that is far more selfish than her cheating on him.
While I can't stand cheaters, he knew the truth (I ALWAYS say tell the truth, the other party can decide from there). He knew for 3 months and chose Christmas Day to leave. I don't necessarily feel sorry for either the husband or wife, but that poor little girl.
Just make sure that in everything you do and decide with your now ex husband, put that little angel of yours first! Make sure she gets to spend time with each of you, no matter how angry or hurt you are at each other.
Ally
Be around those who love you. Even though what you did was unfair to him and inappropriate, try to work out why you did it (with some help from a counsellor) so it's less likely to happen again with him or anyone else. Try not to hate yourself as that does not help you. But be honest with yourself and work out a way to get help and not do it again. We are all imperfect humans but we can change. Best of luck
Deborah
It would have been hard to act happy with that on his mind. With in 1.5 hours of finding out my husband cheated the kids and I were out haven't spoken to him since that was 16 months ago
Aimee
My husband cheated on me and it was the most heartbreaking experience of my life. After almost two long years of counciling and soul searching we are still together - and very happy. I have always found special occasions very difficult. Event's like birthdays (especially our kids), Easter and Christmas when the family is together to celebrate always made me ask myself how could he have been so stupid to risk loosing all of this?? Maybe this is how your husband felt? Maybe the sex was a bandaid that wasn't able to hold the wound together. My advice to you is if you are truly sorry for what you have done and you want to keep your family together is to fight! Fight like hell!!! Do everything you can to make it up to him. Get some professional help for yourself and as a couple. Give him time to process everything and don't try to hurry him. You have hurt him so badly and totally shattered his self confidence and worth. Put yourself on the line and see if he won't meet you halfway. Its not an easy road but a worthwhile one if your both committed to putting in the hard work.