My ex partner and I have been separated for almost a year. We were together 6 years, and have a 3yr old daughter together.
I left him as he was a drug addict and could not help himself. I work and study and did not want him dragging me down anymore. Over the years he has done a lot of horrible things to me - stealing from me, lying, emotional violence, etc.
Just before we split up I found out he had been stealing from his job. He got the sack and was taken to court. He got a 2 year suspended sentence, immediate parole. Therefore he did not go to jail.
He says he is clean now, and he has her every fortnight. He calls her every second night and she constantly talks about him, she loves him so much. A few weeks ago he admitted to me he is severely depressed. He says he lost everything good in his life. Even though he has been such a horrible person, I still love him so much.
I found out today that he has breached his parole and is going to jail. I don't know how to feel about this. Part of me is distraught as I love him and he is my daughters dad. However the other part of me is almost happy?
Have any other mums had their child's dad go to jail? What do you tell your child? My daughter is going to be so upset that daddy won't be ringing her or seeing her. I don't know what to do or what to tell my daughter.
5 Replies
I've not been in the exact same position but understand that feeling of confusion. I was seeing a guy who turned out to have multiple addiction problems, I care for him a great deal, but I CAN NOT be with him. There is a very strong chemistry but he almost destroyed my life and would do so if I allowed him in. I really hope he does something serious enough that he gets sent to jail before he hurts someone else too much or kills himself (probably by accident). Yep I believe he would be safer in jail and so would everyone else. It's a confusing way to be and I don't trust myself to be within 200metres of him because I know my resolve would crumble and my life would become a mess.
I feel for you and your daughter and whilst I feel that kids should be made to understand that there are consequences for actions, I think 3 is too young. Perhaps suggest that he is going away for work and she won't be able to see him... Unless that is you are planning on taking her for visits to see him... It's a tricky one
I have been in this situation and am in it again now. My kids are under 4 and their dad is back in jail - he had not been out a few months. I have told them he is working and that satisfies them for now. Tell her what you think is age appropriate. Also, he can call her from in there if you agree to him having your phone number on his call list. He will need to have money is his phone acc for this, but he should be able to get work in there to do that. It's a horrible, horrible situation to be in though :( my kids dad & I are not together anymore, and is in jail as a result of our separation so I understand the almost happy about it feeling too. Let yourself feel however your feeling. I stuck by the ex last time and took the kids in to see him regularly only for him to throw it in our faces when he came home. She doesn't have to think any less of him, she will figure out how she feels about it all when she's old enough to understand. Goodluck x
My Father went to jail. I was in high school. My brother and I were told not to tell anyone at school. We carried this secret for over 12 months. We visited him almost every weekend. Some of the kids we went to school found out and I was teased. Honestly at the time my brother and I just rolled with the punches. I remember one of my Mum's friends saying how stressful the situation was for her and that my brother and I needed to be good for our Mum because it must be so stressful for her. I thought at the time - we are used to this we visit Dad all the time (my brother and I were just playing at apparently we were too loud). I loved my Dad (he has passed now). My mum organized for me to see a counsellor. The jail had programs to help the kids who had family members in jail. Now that Dad has passed I would rather him be alive and in jail than not here at all.
A friend has been through this recently and she ended up seeing a counsellor for advice. She was told to find an age appropriate way of explaining it to them. Eg" daddy did something wrong and we can't see him right now" She was advised not to lie to the kids, just be age appropriate in the explanation.
Her three kids are different ages so the two oldest know he is in jail and have taken time to adjust to it but are coping ok.
He is able to call once a week at a set time.
It is not an easy road but I wish you lots of luck.