A bit of a back story.
I have been separated from my husband for 2.5 years and have an amazing 4.5 year old son who I have 100% care of.
When my husband and I separated he moved 2 min drive away (my friend found the house for him) so he could see my son but rarely saw him as he was in a relationship that started while we where still together and was always to busy. Than he joined the army and relocated to another state, he would see his son a few weekends a year and 1 full week a year to give me a break. Most of the time I would let him stay at my house, my friends also let him stay at their houses or in a hotel on our street.
I have made it as easy as possible for him to see his son without him outlaying to much money but still months go by without him visiting. He says he is busy.
I had finally come to the conclusion that I can not make him be the Dad I want him to be and excepted that he only visits when it suits him.
Soooo to my problem................
He called last week to tell me he has been in a new relationship since November and now lives with the woman and she has a 6 year old son. To add to that they want my son on School Holidays when he starts School next year. She is a teacher so she will look after him while ex is at work.
To say the least I was blown away, my son wont even spend 1 night with my ex other than at his own home, he barley wants to talk to him on the phone.
It hurts that my ex is now raising someone's else's child when he has given so little time to his own.
I need advice, what would you do in my situation?
From,
My Child Comes First :-)
3 Replies
I would drag him through mediation! Or even better tell him, if he wants a relationship with his son he will need to take you to mediation. Id also write a letter to his new partner, who is obviously driving this. Explain you've always wanted him to be a dad but it was HIS choice not to bother, and now your son doesn't even know him.
I'd insist on them having a regular contact schedule that involves slowly and systematically getting to know each other. Starting with meeting at a playground for a few hours once a week, moving up to a day visit once a fortnight, them moving up to taking your son for the day without you, moving to an overnight visit etc.
If he can't do that he can't expect to have your son for the holidays!
wow... sounds so much like my story.
my ex never cared about our son.. always me making the effort to keep him in our sons life, then one day, he too meets a woman with kids and lives with them, shes a teacher and now he wants to pretend hes daddy of the year lol all bullshit.
i stopped making an effort three months before he met her.. because when he met her, thats when he wanted our son but before that he was oh so busy and just didnt have the time, Now hes free as a bird and wants our son just like that. I agreed to every 2nd weekend, he wants him after school everyday till dinner time and i dont see why as He doesnt get home from work till dinner time and I said No... why would I allow my son to be picked up after school by his gf and I finish work at 430 every avo and pick my son u from after school care, so what? the new gf picks up my son which stuffs up our routine and spends time not with his dad but with her and her kids, what! lol they are newly together and she already calls my son her step son omg some people lol
but anyhoooo in my situation we arranged for mediation.. well i did and guess who didnt show up smh useless.... so his new school teaching mrs can claim hes a great dad to her kids.. whatever... actions speak louder than words... my ex is no one without a woman... he cant be alone.... so who knows what lies he tells her... hes only trying to.impress her.
I dont think you should do a thing. Let him organise mediation and if he does, try and come to a civil agreement if you can.
Thanks for the comments.
I agree I think she is the driving force behind this and I don't think it would have come up if he wasn't dating a School teacher.
At the start of this year I called him and said he needs to make an effort that visiting for the weekend once every few months is not enough. I said he should try and visit at least once a month even if its for 1 night, something regular. He could stay in my house and use my car, I would stay at a friends. He agreed, he came in March- April and May and than it stopped. It has now been over 2 months.
He is in the army based in Sydney and we are in Brisbane so he needs to make the effort to come here.
I cant see my son going to Sydney for school holiday visits until his Dad makes more of an effort visiting him.
I wish I could bury my head in the sand at least until School starts :-(