I have recently seperated from my husband of 20 years . He has quickly moved on in a matter of weeks with a new girlfriend/family. I am wanting to take my children back to my home town which is about four hours away from their dad . I have promised him access every fortnight weekend , Easter , long weekends . Extra on school holidays and two weeks straight in Christmas holidays but he is so against this that I wanted other views . Does it work for others ? Am I being wrong ? This home town has heaps of extended family and so much support for me and the kids .
12 Replies
Unfortunately you need to stay put pretty much. Sorry even if he moved on the kids need there dad around probably more than extended family.
You need to do what's best for you and the kids. If that's moving to where you have family support then go for it!! They will still see dad! But a healthy happy mum is just as important
Make sure you have all your paperwork in place parenting plan ect then move if you feel moving will give you and your kids better suport then do it aslong as he still has access to them then theirs nothing stopping you.
Firstly how would you feel if it was the other way around? Secondly what gives you the right to more custody them him? If his a good father both him and the kids deserve no less then 50/50 custody. I honestly don't u der stand why one parent feels it's "their" right to have more custody unless of course there is things like violence, drugs etc etc
Not sure your comment is all that helpful. The OP's question is about moving 4hrs away, not asking for an argument about 50/50 custody.
Actually it is helpful to consider it. A lot of parents do 50/50 or have time during the school week. This allows the other parent to be involved in all aspects of a child's life. IM's decision will need to take into account how often her kids are seeing their dad at the moment and how moving will affect that time and the kids. 4 hours is a huge drive. That is an 8 hour round trip for the kids (and for mum). If they are school age, they can't leave until after school which will make it 7.00pm or later on a Friday. The other alternative is to leave Saturday morning which cuts down on their time with dad even more. As they get older this will be more onerous as they will have friends/parties/after school activities. Its not simply a case of telling IM, you are being fair, just go for it! It sucks but that's life. She has to take all these things into consideration.
Fathers move away all the time, my sons father moved 8 hours away... He now only sees him every second school holidays. 4 hours is not to bad if you left at 7am they would be at their dad's by 11am, it's not like an entire day. It's totally doable and they will still get to see their dad all the time! If that's what's best for you go for it.xx
I had to do this myself. I had two little girls under 5, I had lost one of my three jobs ( the main breadwinner at $50/hr) and was in danger of going bankrupt and losing my home if I didn't sell up quickly and go. My mother lived 4 hours away and offered us safe haven til i got back on my feet. My ex of then 3 years didn't care that we were going to be kicked out onto the street by the bank and threatened me with kidnap charges. We were surrounded by our things packed away in boxes and sleeping on mattresses on the floor. I had to home school my youngest for her first ever start at school, as I was so up in the air about what was going to happen.
In the end I had no other choice, so with the house on the market we left. I moved in with mum and stored our things til we could get a cheap rental. The bank took possession, I went bankrupt and have struggled to get ahead ever since. Now 13 years later, he decided it was all too hard and reneged time and again on his visitation weekends and holidays. He was already finding it hard when we were 30 mins away and I often had to cancel my shifts at work as he would cancel on me.
It was easier on the girls, not having to upheave them once a month and undo all the damage he did when he had them. We found peace and they have reconnected with him as teens.
If he wants to make the effort, he will. You need to do what is best for you and the kids and if it means moving and having extended family support, then I suggest you consider the option. All the best.
This happened to our family. He ended up seeing the kids way less than originally planned, because the travel just got too much for the kids and the adults.
My ex threatened me with court and taking me for full custody if I moved and put up such a fight for the sake of still controlling me. I moved anyway without his consent. He still seen him the exact same amount of time. Fast forward 3 yrs he has since moved overseas to London and left his son behind. I fought tooth and nail for my freedom and I'm glad I did. At least I only moved a few hours away. He moved across an entire ocean. My point? Do whatever the F you want! Don't let no one tell you what and where you can or cannot live! Xx
It's a 30 minute drive to meet halfway for weekends and school holiday visits. If you go through mediation they will help you make the best decision for your kids. My step son is 9 and we have been living 5 hours away from him as his mother for 4 years and have made it work. Everyone's different. 1 hour seems like nothing! Lol
I moved back to the uk to be with my family. My sons dad signed everything he needed to, including a stat dec saying I was able to leave the country with our son. At the end of the day you need to do what's best for you and your children and if that means having the support of your family then so be it. Just make sure you do it properly and have your ex on board with it all. Good luck