Hi sisterhood. Today im struggling. This is more a vent than a question. Im currently sitting in the ladies toilets at work trying to gain the courage to go back to my desk and get on with it. I don't know why im feeling this way. Like everyone else I have my good days and my bad days, but im really struggling with my daughter being in care while I work part time. She's 2. Its been 6 months since ive been back at work and I feel this guilt and sadness is getting worse. Everyone told me it would be hard in the beginning but eventually get easier. When? When does it get easier?
She's doing good at daycare and I have no issues with the centre. But I feel like I have to physically restrain myself from resigning just so I can stay with her. No real issues with my job, I have to work for financial reasons which I know isn't optional and im fine with. I just dont know why I feel this horrible when I know she's having fun where she is. The guilt is all consuming. My Husband says to just to not feel this way as im only away for 8hrs 3 days a week and shes fine. He always responds with "youll see her in a few hours youll be fine". I agree with his logic so what is wrong with me?
I feel like I want a break and some me time but cant handle her in daycare. I dont feel this way when her dad is looking after her so why am I feeling this way about a great centre that look after her well?
I dont have any family to help so daycare is the only option.
Do all working mums feel this way? How to you cope. I honestly dont know how to pick myself up and get on with it. Maybe they could just move my desk in here........
8 Replies
Is it possible your mourning what you thought being a mother would be like, mourning the fantasy of family life? I think your torturing yourself unnecessarily. Every time those thoughts creep into your head make a conscious effort to remind yourself what is great about your life. Your daughter is happy and well adjusted and you only work 3 days! You are actually really lucky some people don't have that luxury, focusing on the positives in your life really does help.
Doesn't day care cost as much as you earn at work?
I'd like to work more but what I earn would pay for my sons care so I don't see the point.
I currently do one day a week and my mum has him. I don't feel guilty I guess cos it's with his grandparents. I just figure they enjoy the time but I would prob worry more if he was in a centre. If he was being properly cared for & what other kids are doing.
Sorry not much advise just do what your gut & heart tells you to, you don't wanna look back and wish you had of stayed home, cos you can't turn back time. As far as earning that extra money I just keep my family on a tight budget so I can stay home.
GL xx
I have 3 kids and work 4 to 5 days a week depending on the week. Most of the time hubby watches the kids as he works nights but I still feel extremely guilty about going to work. Especially when hubby does something fun with them and Iam stuck a work, when Iam feeling down about it I try and just keep telling myself Iam doig this for my family and my children wil be better of with it.
Before kids I always thought of myself as being a SAHM but things just haven't worked out that way. When ur at work feeling like crap just keep saying to your self it's for my family and hopefully it will get u through the day the same as it does for me :)
perhaps you are thinking this way because shes not in the care of family while she is at daycare. Thats something you quite obviously feel is wrong.
have you had a chat to your gp about seeing a counsellor or psychologist to help you deal with this change?
my boy was 12 mths when I went back to work and uo until recently I felt guilty everyday, and because of that I now have a five year that is a monster because I was so tired after work and the guilt te at me I let him get away with everything. I have realised I shouldn't be feeling guilty for improving our future, it doesn't get easier at all, but you have to know its worth every second away from them to ensure you can provide the best for them. Good luck and keep going,all you have to do is remind yourself that everything you do is for them and their future
I actually felt this way when I wasn't working! I felt guilty for Not working because If I were my son would have a better life, be able to have more toys, go to a better school when he is older ect. So I got a good job and put my son is family day care and I never have guilt now! Your child will be in school Monday- Friday one day and there wont be anthing you can do about that whether you are working or not. So don't feel guilty think of it as practice! And good on you for getting back into the work force and giving your little one a role model to look up to! Good luck and I hope this guilt eventually passes x
I really feel for you and totally understand. I hate leaving my daughter and will only do it if it is something that is important and will benefit our little family. I have just started in a party plan business and it has been a revolution. I can work when it suits our family, don't have to ask for time off and am making money. It is great for the social outlet I need to be better wife and mother and our daughter gets to stay with her dad when I am working. It is a win win for us. I hope you find a solution that makes you and your family happy. Life is too short to be stuck in a situation that makes you so unhappy. Good luck
I totally understand what you are saying as I too felt like this for the first few months after returning to work after maternity leave. I started a new job in a very large organisation where i had always wanted to work and i should've been happy with my 'dream job' but i missed my little daughter so much and felt like a bad mum for not being with her. I only worked three half days and two of those days my parents looked after her. All I wanted was to get the sack or for my contract to end! It does get easier as you adjust to being a working mum and also I found I felt better as she got older. Your daughter really is getting the best of both worlds, she has fun and interaction with others at daycare and great mental stimulation from the activities they do at daycare and she also gets to spend a lot of time with her mum who obviously loves her very much!