A bit concerned about hubby.....
My hubby purchased sex toy cleaner anal lube and a sex toy that is for one person to use on their own with a suction cup to stick to the bench and remote.
While looking for something else I found these and am not a prude but was hurt that my hubby seems to be pleasuring himself in a way that I don't consider to be natural - anally
I let a few days pass before asking him about them and his response was that the lube is better quality than normal KY etc. He didn't immediately say anything about the toy until I pushed as to whether there are any other things he needed to tell me.
He has been having to work a lot lately too which further adds to my suspicion.
Since finding his stash ( which is new because I got the date of purchase from his credit card statement) I am so concerned that he might be seeking pleasure outside the home. Or pleasuring himself anally which I fear could lead to him exploring further with men.
I feel like I can't trust my hubby anymore since he lied to me when I confronted him and generally have a bad feeling in my gut about it all.
Would love to hear from others who've been in this or a similar situation as am feeling lost and hurt.
X
17 Replies
Anal penetration is totally natural! And totally natural for Straight men. It does not lead to experimenting with men. I would have hidden it from you too as it sounds like it makes you extremely uncomfortable. As long as he isn't expecting you to do it or doing it to you I don't see the problem. I've been with a number of partners who absolutely love being penetrated anally and were relieved that I was happy to be involved in it as with a few previous partners they had received a lot of judgement. Do some research, a lot of couples experiment in this area and enjoy it. I admit it's not for everyone but please don't judge those who do enjoy it especially your husband. Don't force hubby to be embarrassed and ashamed for something that's actually very natural.
I've had two similar experiences. 1 ex bf would pleasure himself an ally. He would do it by himself and only told me about it towards the end of the relationship. He never asked me to be involved in it or suggested it was something he was interested in. We broke up and a few years later he came out as fay. My ex husband would often ask me to use my fingers to pleasure him as an alternative stimulation made sex and oral sex better for him. I told him I was not comfortable with doing this and he respected that and never pushed me for it. He never did it himself and I believe he is completely straight and would never experiment with a man. What I'm trying to say is could go either way he could be hay or bi or he could just enjoy anal..I would keep the conversation open and make sure you don't come off as judgemental.
Exactly supposed to be partners. Enjoying each other sexually is part of that and fetishes and kinks come along with that.
Have you ever tried anal sex
It doesn't mean he is gay or will be going for other men to experiment with. He probably hid it because he knew the reaction he would get. The male g spot is actually there, he is just masturbating. A lot of people enjoy anal and a lot of men enjoy incorporating anal penetration of some sort into sex and oral sex, it is apperently one of the best orgasms they can have if done right.
Just because he enjoys anal does not mean he is gay. Anal sex is part of mine and hubbies sex life. Is he hiding it because of that fear? That people, you will think his gay?
The mans gspot is in his bum so for him to explore that is perfectly natural! Maybe he lied to you because he thought you might be judgemental! I would be more concerned about why he felt he had to hide this! Also if he wants to sleep with a man and this is a deal breaker for you then you both need to be honest with each other!
I'd be hiding it too if I had a partner with that attitude !!!! obviously he doesn't feel comfortable talking to you about it ! and I can see why! it is completely natural, for a straight man, as well as women ! Communication without assumptions, being derogatory and damn judgemental might go a long way !
My husband enjoys anal stimulation. He is in no way gay or bi. It took a lot of guts for him to tell me he enjoys it as he was scared of what I would think/that I would judge him. To me its no different to females enjoying clitoral stimulation.
This is totally natural! Anal pleasure is completely fine - and I don't believe makes men explore with other men.
I am extremely involved in this with my partner, after mutually realising he enjoyed it. It's natural, and I dont make him feel uncomfortable about it.
It is now something we enjoy together, and has become some-what-regular in our sex life.
If you don't feel comfortable with being involved, I would suggest to him that's something he does when you're away etc, not instead of sex with you. :)
I hope this helps to ease your mind. :) x
Anal penetration is normal. Alot of men get alot of enjoyment from their partners penetrating their anus with a finger just before they come.
My partner enjoys it and he's not gay or bi.
Anal penetration was very popular a few hundred years ago, for both men and women. It was a form of birth control! (I'm glad that has changed!).
However when the church became popular and started to make up laws. Anal penetration (or anything that can be conceived as homosexual) was out-lawed and 'the devil's work'.
observably your husband knows you very well and respects you enough to let you keep your mind closed. Try to respect him by letting him get his enjoyment (by himself) the way he can.
Think of it this way. He's not cheating on you with anyone else, he's staying loyal to you and not putting himself (& you) in danger of catching any STD's.
if you can open yourself to trying new things during sex, then maybe ask him to have a shower before hand, then during it maybe just run your finger tip around the anal opening. It may surprise you how much he will enjoy it and may surprise yourself how much you'll enjoy having that control. You don't need to penetrate, just that feeling and the knowledge that you love him so much to go out of your comfort zone will be enough for him, I'm sure.
I'm posting this anonymously for obvious reasons, but I just asked my fiancé what he thought about the "hole" thing.. Pun intended hehe :p and he shocked me with his response.. "Well it's not my cup of tea but I won't lie I've stuck a finger in there a couple of times to see what the fuss was about.. I think he should discuss his feelings with his lady though..." Well shit... Literally haha sorry enough enough.. But here is the man I'm about to marry in a week and I never knew he had experimented like that. Just talk about it.. Make sure you are open minded and he may feel comfortable talking it through. Don't jump to conclusions though. I own toys and watch porn, I even masturbate and none of that changes my feelings for my future husband. There is nothing weird about exploring your body :)
I think it's weird ! And dont believe it's natural .. I would flip if hubby was doing that ! Abs I'm no proud we do almost everything ! Sorry :( good luck x
Girl,
I love anal. My hemorrhoids love it too!
The nerve endings and prostate (men have the prostate not women) make anal fun ten times awesome. And not to be grotty or prudish but going down on him while thats all happening will send him batshytcrazy.
I love the batshytcrazy too.
Some guys are weirded out thinking if they stick things in their bum it makes em gay... no. It doesn't. It turns me on because I know that he is comfortable with his body and says nothing about his sexual orientation.
Try something new and ask to watch him. You might enjoy what it looks like for him to stimulate his prostate. It's also fun to get on top while this is happening....
Try not to over think this. X
It is awesome being on top when that's all going on!
My fiancé and I are quite sexually adventuress and we do different things, at first I didn't think I could do anal to him but now it is fun we absolutely love it we don't do it all the time, but first of all anal is not unnatural that is how homosexuals have sex so obviously you are calling them unnatural, secondly having these feelings will make him close up and not tell you how he feels, if you love him you will step out of your comfort zone and give it a try for all you know you might like it and it will make you and your husband closer and if you don't like it then at least you can say you tried it. Good luck and another thing just cause he likes anal does not mean he is gay or bisexual it is because men's g spot is in their ass so it tends to feel good for them
I would be really upset and probably have the same concerns. I can see a lot of people attacking you for your comment about how 'natural' it is - ignore them. You have every right to have your own values/standards. It is hard in marriage when these don't compliment the values of ur partner but that doesn't mean ur values are wrong/outdated/irrelevant.
I would write a list of all concerns - the what if's running thru ur head, the concerns with his anal fettish etc and then see a counsellor/psychologist/sex therapist. Good luck.
It's his body if he enjoys it so be it. I'll be honest with you I believe you should indulge yourself or indulge him and enjoy it with him so he doesn't seek it elsewhere. Many men enjoy it. I was turned on by a young lady who started playing with my butthole I see was servicing me. Never went to a man never went gay just enjoyed it with a woman and on my own but if you're not into it I guess you have to borrow a company.