H IM's,
I'm not too sure if I'm being petty or what I'm feeling is for valid reasons and was hoping those who have experienced them also can give me a shove in the right direction.
I have known this particular friend for over 17 years, we lost contact after high-school finished, then a few years past we got back into contact and it feels as though we haven't missed a single moment (that was 6 years ago) - That's true friendship, right?
But over the years, I have grown as a person, worked majority of my adult life, studied at uni, raising a child on my own, then met the love of my life and being so content within myself, the decisions and what falls in-between, I was so content with - for it all fall to shit!!!
As much as I'm honest, I hate with a capital 'H' CONFRONTATION AND DRAMA! But my friend seems to feed on it, then complains she hates it, then involves herself as much as possible in everyone else's drama, creates the drama in my life and in others, its driving me INSANE!!!
I'm at my breaking point and ready to throw in the towel of our friendship. In the past 2 years she has only caused friction, confrontation and BS with anyone who has a relationship & friendship with me, I was too stupid and naive to notice it before and in all honesty who bloody treats a friend like that, anybody for that matter?
I know a good solid friendship doesn't come by easy when you're older and busy with grown-up commitments, I just feel I have lost trust, hope, respect and patience with her and my heat aches with her dishonest, backstabbing, selfish and jealousy ways.
I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted to the point I've had to confront her on many occasions and pull her up on things that I feel she went out of line on. Nasty and snarly comments and confidential things she had made to other people - close friends of mine who she is trying to cause friction and a wedge between. Then, causing drama with a guy I'm seeing (solely FWB) who she knows also, causing so much useless drama & I find out from these people, then when I confront her she laughs and makes out what she said is harmless then dismisses me, no apology or recognition of herself. IM OVER THIS HS BS!!! Then to top it off she made every attempt possible for me to end my relationship with my partner (ex now), causing so much drama and heartbreaking up-roar.
I've been blind for so long, its like she doesn't enjoy others happiness and I'm exhausted 'acting' miserable solely for her benefit and to make her day better.
She constantly; belittles, manipulates every decision I make, discriminates, & judges everything I do, mocks me in front of people, has an opinion about EVERYTHING - It feels as though I'm in an emotional abusive relationship with her and it sucks! The moment I do stick up for myself I'm a B**** or she makes me feel utterly horrible for standing up for myself, or makes as though I'm overreacting. She also has a completely different personality around her boyfriend and around selective group of people, to which she treats me like scum, talks down to me, excludes me from conversations or picks at my wounds (past/bad relationships, my flaws, bad experiences etc) with other people in-front of me... ITS DRIVING ME BONKERS!!!
A good friend of mine who has met her a handful of times has asked me why I'm still friends with her and in all honesty, I don't know why! I would not in a million years let a partner treat me like this, why the hell am I allowing her? I guess it stems down to, I don't have many friends in close proximity and I only have a handful of true friends but they live in either another state or hours away from me, she is close to me (distance wise).
Sorry for the long rant. I have been keeping my composure for 6 years with her niggling, horrid and selfish ways. Felt good to get it out even if I have to suck it up and get over it.
7 Replies
You need to get rid of her. If she was your partner you would say "i'd rather be single/alone than put up with that for one more day" so the question is why do your really think you need her? Because it sounds like you have a number of friends, actual friends, who don't cause drama and are nice to you, what purpose does she serve in your life?
In reality, no purpose. I just feel saddened as I've known her for so long and we previously had such a good friendship, but all of a sudden it has gone sour and I'm unsure as to why. It saddens me immensely that it'll end this way. But you're absolutely right, no way would I ever, ever put up with a partner if he was treating me this way as I know I deserve so much better. The saddest part is, I have only just realised all of this in the last few days to a week and not prior to which I could of protected those she hurt the most (close friends), myself included and protected my relationship with my ex from her toxic behaviour and constant criticism on everything.
Unfortunately my 3 closest friends live far away, 1 lives interstate and the other two live hours away from me. I know I have been holding onto my friendship with her, hoping she would wake up to herself and realise what she is doing is toxic and no-one including herself deserves that type of behaviour directed towards them... I just wished I listened to my ex :'(
Thank you for your response.
I think while you are clinging to this friendship it's probably closing you off to new ones too. It's hard to invite and be open to new people when you are dealing with a pile of crazy
Absolutely end it.! I ended an exhausting friendship a few years ago and it has been the best thing I ever did for myself and my family. My life is so much quieter and drama free.
It was hard at the start because I was used to talking to her every day and she was involved in every aspect of my life but a few years on I'm happy and relaxed with my decision to walk away. Good luck xx
Thank you for your kind words :) I also spoke to her everyday, shared everything and she was a massive part of our life. But enough is enough, I haven't spoken to her that much over the week due to her exhausting drama and drama she has caused me to now deal with. You're absolutely right, it needs to stop! she is emotionally draining me... I hope in-time I can move on from this, learn and never put up with another persons drama as long as I have this time round :)
I had a friend like this too, seeing me happy pissed her off and she would start drama where it wasn't needed. I cut that friendship off and it was hard at first but now after 6 years it isn't. I have my friends I have made after and ones from before, there is only a certain amount of crap I take and hers wasn't it. Everything I confided in her was told to others. You do need to cut this toxic friendship off, I realised if I didn't I would have made the right space for real friends to come into my life from fear of her creating a drama. You deserve to have only those friends who are true in your life, I'm sure if you asked them they would tell you the same thing. You will mourn the loss of friendship much like a relationship break up but it is so much better after when you see the reality.
She isnt a friend walk away now