I am a very loyal person and have had the same friends for 25 plus years, since high school. One of those friends has come and gone from our lives (her choice) over the years but has been back in the fold for a few years now. Because our kids are friends, we spend more time together than any of the other girlfriends do. This friend has a very kind heart and is very generous with her time but she is driving me crazy! She has always been a drama queen but I think I have forgotten how bad until now. She's either too poor, too fat, sick, sore, infected somehow, stressed, being treated poorly by her family or employer, etc. She lives in a filthy home and has recently put on about 40 kilos (within one year). There is just no end to her suffering and it is truly like being friends with an elderly person. We are only in our late 30's. As soon as one drama comes to an end, another begins. There is absolutely no time when she is happy with life. I feel like I am bearing the brunt of the drama and feel it is my time to step away a bit as I am so tired of it. Trouble is I don't know how without appearing mean and without affecting our children's friendship. Do I just have less contact in general? I have never had to manage a friendship like this before as all my other friendships are tight, easy and cruisy. Our other friends say "I don't know how you do it" but as her family are even tired of her, I feel as though she is alone if I don't make time for her. Please help. xx
Managing friendship with dramatic friend
Managing friendship with dramatic friend
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Self Care, Sisterhood Stories, Behaviour
3 Replies
Have you ever told her that she is a drama queen? If your her friend you can say it. When she tells you her latest story just jokingly say my god you have soooo many dramas in your life. See what happens. It may spark a conversation that leads to genuine change on your friends part if it doesn't then just gradually distance yourself. Make some excuse for having plans, gradually spread out your catch ups etc. Meet at a neutral local for play dates so things aren't so cosy for her.
I have had so many of these over the years! My mother used to call them emotional vampires! I seem to attract drama ridden people, maybe because I love a good gossip session & they always seemed to be free! I think u should take a step back... I have found confronting these sort of people doesn't usually work & make u end up feeling like ur the bad guy! It's a bit more tricky as ur kids r friends buts if u start pulling back u might find a true friend
I've had these friends too - still do. But I've managed to step back from the friendships in a non-offensive way by making myself busier and less available. Maybe that's bitchier or more cowardly than telling them they're a drama queen, but it works for me and my friendships. Over the years I've set my working hours and kids activities to times that suit the situation, and still made time for those people every now and then so we can maintain the friendship without me going batty. So I think it's a win! I've also supported them to go get jobs, study, see new friends, hobbies, and to take their kids to new/other activities so that they're not so dependent on me as a friend.