I'm unsure why I'm writing here, unsure of everything really, I don't think I'm having a vent, nor do I think I'm asking for advice, I think I'm just asking for someone to hear my screams. I'm 23, married, 3 beautiful children. Renting. I had once upon a time, a beautiful husband, it changed about 6 months ago, he was so angry all the time, he would yell at me when I did nothing wrong, throw things around and hit things. It then moved on to pulling and pushing me. I had no idea why my loving husband changed into a monster! Until a few weeks ago I found out he had been abusing drugs, hard drugs, drugs if only seen in movies and I have no idea where to even start to look for in real life, my whole world feels like it's been smashed in front of me. If I heard someone telling me this was happening to them, I'd say leave now, it won't get better, it's domestic violence and it will only get worse. But here I am, sitting here hoping, wishing it will get better and he will be that man I once fell inlove with, thinking it won't get worse. I walk on egg shells everyday scared for his arrival home from work. Even if I did wake up and leave, where would I go? I have no friends, no family, no income of my own. I have 3 children and no money in the bank. It wasn't ment to be like this! It was ment to be happy, safe, secure. I feel like I'm failing as a mother. A feeling I never wished upon myself ever, or anyone for that matter. I feel so numb, so dark, I don't eat or sleep much anymore, I cry a lot when my kids are in bed, he hears, but he doesn't really care, when he does calm down, he apologises, promises things will get better, I beleive him every time. I just want someone to hear me I guess, I've tried coming up with a back up plan, and I fail every time, when I do leave the house, all o do is take the kids to the park for a few hours. I hate this, I hate feeling this way, I feel gross, ugly. Thanks for listening...
16 Replies
Here's your back up plan...what suburb are you located??
Secondly, start putting money aside! even a few dollars a week. All you need is enough "emergency" money for a cab ride or petrol if you have a car.
If he pushes, or shoves you...you grab your kids and head for the car...you then go straight to the police station! If he shows aggression towards the children you call 000...!! You do not need to live in fear! Live is to be LIVED and LOVED! Do not put up with this...you and your children deserve better. If your near me, you call me if you need help. if your suburb is near me, respond to this post and ill let you know who I am.
Drugs are dangerous. The man you married has been overtaken by them. He is no longer the man you married..
I don't drive, I don't even have a license, I have 3 kids under 5, all need car seats, it's difficult, I'm in perth, (around there, I'd rather not give my exact suburb)
Car seats etc don't matter, so what if someone gets a fine. It's more important to get out
You need to leave, if not for you but for the kids! Imagine being a child and seeing this. Living in fear as a child.
Contact a domestic violence support service and look at the advice given in the last post. You can do this and be happy.
I have nowhere to go, no friends, no family, no money of my own. What will the hotline do?
They will help you build a plan to get out. They can set you up with charities that can help you. Find you a shelter for you and the kids etc. set you up in emergency housing. Help you access centrelink payments.
Okay, Im not near you. But if you drive to the police or call a cab, or 000 they can help you escape. They can also provide you with emergency housing. They are there to help.
Please don't listen to him, this is what they do to make you stay, break your spirit until you're just a shell of what you use to be. I saw my father do it to my mother and my sisters husband did it to her too. I don't know what else to say except that you can do it! My sister left her husband and started from scratch with her 2 year old and 8 month old, it will be hard but over time it will be easier, I swear it will be, it won't be over night but you will be happy again and you will get confident again. I've seen it happen to two women I love dearly, and it sucks! and you are not failing as a mum, you clearly have your children's best interests in mind xx
Life can be so much better for you and your children. You know it can be, you need to look after you and the kids first. I agree with the others call a domestic violence hotline they are trained professionals and will know how to help. It's not going to magically get better and it's not fair for your children to be raised in that environment.
Won't you feel better after speaking with someone? At least then you will be more informed and I ow your choices, you have already made the first step by asking on here. Now your next step is making the call. Best wishes xxx
Babe, I am in Perth too. SOR. Seriously, if you needed help, I can come and pick you up and take you to your parents or a shelter. Even if you want to catch up for a coffee or playdate. I have an 18mo
Coffee, my shout btw!
Sweetheart there are avenues for you.
Centrelink, salvos, churches, Red Cross, women's shelters and other organisations.
Drugs do terrible things to people but yelling, throwing things,pushing and shoving are the beginnings of worse things to come! Don't put yourself and your kids in that situation- what happens if he hits you and you are injured? What happens if he gets arrested? Hurts your children? I know these are horrific scenarios but ultimately could happen... Get out it maybe the wake up call hubby needs and if not your being a good wonderful proactive mother- children cannot be in that situation or around someone unstable and using!!
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Your post tells me just how much emotional pain you are in, but it's also full of strength - you know that what you deserve in life is to be happy, safe and secure. Hold tight to this belief ( it's 100% true) and don't let it waver, because that's one of the things that are going to help get you through. You're much stronger than you think mama, and you don't have to do it alone.
Australia has a system to protect parents with children who suddenly find themselves with no accommodation. In the SA system a parent phones a crisis line called the Homelessness Gateway and they are often sourced a hotel for the night and assigned a case manager who would visit them the next morning. In Perth it's the crisis care line at 1800 199 008 for domestic violence, this would be someone who specialises in supporting women in these situations, so you can be sure that they will be confident in helping you sort through all different types of issues - financials, legals, schooling, emotional stuff, practical stuff etc - they're able to help you with it all. You can be sure that you wouldn't be doing it alone and you would be able to make a plan with them. They would also be responsible for helping you find alternate accommodation - a shelter, private rental or even housing that comes with a support worker. You wouldn't be alone, these types of organisations have helped thousands of women leave horrible situations. Women go on to build beautiful futures with their children. You can do this too.
Even if you don't want to or aren't yet ready to leave, you can always reach out to a domestic violence service. You can speak with someone about what your options are, even if you just have questions with how they deal with car seats etc, and how they could support you individually if you were to decide to leave. You can access counselling as well.
I wish you all the very best, knowing you deserve it x
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Your post tells me just how much emotional pain you are in, but it's also full of strength - you know that what you deserve in life is to be happy, safe and secure. Hold tight to this belief ( it's 100% true) and don't let it waver, because that's one of the things that are going to help get you through. You're much stronger than you think mama, and you don't have to do it alone.
Australia has a system to protect parents with children who suddenly find themselves with no accommodation. In the SA system a parent phones a crisis line called the Homelessness Gateway and they are often sourced a hotel for the night and assigned a case manager who would visit them the next morning. In Perth it's the crisis care line at 1800 199 008 for domestic violence, this would be someone who specialises in supporting women in these situations, so you can be sure that they will be confident in helping you sort through all different types of issues - financials, legals, schooling, emotional stuff, practical stuff etc - they're able to help you with it all. You can be sure that you wouldn't be doing it alone and you would be able to make a plan with them. They would also be responsible for helping you find alternate accommodation - a shelter, private rental or even housing that comes with a support worker. You wouldn't be alone, these types of organisations have helped thousands of women leave horrible situations. Women go on to build beautiful futures with their children. You can do this too.
Even if you don't want to or aren't yet ready to leave, you can always reach out to a domestic violence service. You can speak with someone about what your options are, even if you just have questions with how they deal with car seats etc, and how they could support you individually if you were to decide to leave. You can access counselling as well.
I wish you all the very best, knowing you deserve it x
Your story is very similar to mine. Speak to your GP, especially if the violence is escalating. I didn't because I was embarrassed and ashamed that i allowed it to continue for so long.
Your GP can advise you what is appropriate for your situation. Your entitled to psychologist/ counselling sessions through Medicare.
But I'd strongly recommend documenting any injuries from the violence. My sons witnessed some of the violence, they became violent because of it.
Don't allow it to carry on too long... Your children need a mother more than a father, especially if he's being violent!
Hi love, I found out my husband of 6 years (at the time) was using ice, like out of control! I had a 3 year old and was 32 weeks pregnant as well, I had a break down and he worked on himself and I believed he had got better, fast forward 8 months I find out he's doing it again (an addict will lapse) we sold our house and brought a caravan and left it all behind... We came back and I thought we were ok 9 months after we got back I found out again he was using... It's been an INCREDIBLY tough 3 months but he's on the road to recovery, he goes to NA (narcotics anonymous) EVERY day and has given up alcohol as well as that is part of the program. iCE is EVIL it takes them sucks them in and makes them happy, then slowly strips away all their emotions, self esteem. They don't feel guilt or remorse and just get lost.... But they can get better! I am literally seeing it with my own eyes. I won't give my husband another chance, if he fucks up this time it's over. He however never physically hurt me... I would leave if I was you, but explain what you need out of him. The NA program and rehab will be the only thing that works and he will need to WANT to do it for himself xoxoxo