I am so angry I could cry!!
When my son was 4 weeks old, he went into his own room in his cot. I had him self settling and he would sleep through the night from 8 weeks onwards..
When he was nearly 5 months, he got his first two teeth.. They just appeared, it was great. When he got his third tooth, he didn't handle the pain very well.. I tried teething rings, bonjela, nurofen, seda gel, teething necklace, cold washer and many more different things to try and help him ease the pain. Nothing seemed to work and when I'd try to rock him gently to sleep, he'd be on the verge of snoring and then start throwing himself around and id end up with scratch marks all over me, bruises from pinching and even had a black eye from a head butt.
After quite a few sleepless nights, my partner decided he'd take over, bless his heart, so that I could get some much needed sleep. What I didn't know, was he was rocking him to sleep in the pram and then transferring him to his cot. Sounds harmless right? Wrong!!
He is now 1yr old and for a couple of months, I've been trying to get him to go to sleep in his cot, on his own. His daddy was no help as hed get frustrated with his crying within 5 minutes and give up.. so it was all up to me.
First night took me 90 minutes, second night took me 30mins and the next 3 nights all I had to do was lay him in his cot, give him his blankie and his bottle and 5 minutes later he'd be out for the count. Great work mummy :-) or so I thought.
After a verrrrrry stressful day today with bubby not only getting his molars, but suffering a blocked nose, needing mummy's cuddles 24/7, dealing with unwanted visitors and their terribly behaved children, family dramas and the list continues.. I was at breaking point when bub wouldn't settle at bed time, so I was ordered to go and enjoy a hot shower.. I get out of the shower to find bubby asleep in the pram.
All my hard work down the drain!
Today was a shocker with teething. Poor bub just would not settle, have a nap or stop whinging. At least the blocked nose had passed.. I handled it great though, ignoring the housework and washing (something I usually don't allow myself to do) and enjoyed the cuddles. So tonight I tried giving him dinner, he refused it, I'm guessing due to the teeth.. He enjoyed his warm bath and massage, had lovely cuddles with mummy and then got very very tired..
He ended up falling asleep on mummy with his milk in hand. Was awesome.. Daddy slams the door and baby starts screaming. Frigging hell, here we go!! Daddy apologises and takes bubby to the room, not even 2 minutes (literally, I timed it) and he's gone out the back to get away from the crying. Thanks for your help dad!
So mummy's dancing around in the dark trying to put bub to sleep, he gets close so mummy sits on the couch and sings to him, he's got a nice little snore happening, takes after me ;-)
Oh that'd be right, daddy slams the door again. Daddy takes after his mother with that.. Doesn't know how to close a door normally, needs to slam it.
So again the screaming starts, as does the pinching of my throat, the fist pushing against my throat, bubby didn't mean to, he was just very unsettled :-(
Continuously I say, "calm down bubba, stop hurting mummy".
Then I get an all mighty head but to my mouth and I'm now bleeding. Daddy sits quietly on facebook. I then put bub on the floor so I can wipe my mouth with baby wipes (I have a packet in every corner of the house, they're so handy :-)
Bub then hits his head on the coffee table.. Screaming starts yet again.. Mummy, in pain picks him up and starts rocking and singing. Not getting anywhere this time. I then let out a "for f***s sake!!" After again being hit in the face.
Now daddy walks over and says "oh just pass him here". Couldn't help myself and told him to "F off".
To which he storms out side and slams the glass door so loud, I'm surprised it didn't smash!!
Any who, 2 hours of trying to put bub to sleep and I gave in and he's in his pram. Daddy's laying on the couch watching telly and I'm out the back, still bleeding and have tears running down my face.
I know it will get so much easier.. Just sucks I don't have a time and date :-) I have a huge appreciation for single mums! That's for sure :-)
5 Replies
Sorry, yesterday was the verrrrrrrry stressful day lol
I totally feel your pain! My bub is 18mo now but if I got paid for the countless hours I've spent trying to help bub to sleep I would honestly be a millionaire!!
Your hubby sounds like he wants to help but needs a bit of guidance. Maybe sit down with him and discuss why it is you do things the way you do, and give him a chance to do the same.
Early on it is difficult and all you want is bub to get the sleep bub needs, I got really hung up on it. Looking back now though I would change a few things:
- I'd implement a routine around sleep/rest and feed times
- I'd not worry about creating a rod for my own back with anything and let bub guide me
- I'd make a conscious effort to be more calm and relaxed as I believe bub picked up on my stress and anxiety
- I'd pick my battles with hubby and accept that everyone does everything differently
- I'd ensure I got more me time, say an hour every few days
So today, take a step back and evaluate, what can you change to make your own life easier? Don't be afraid to lower your expectations - the dishes will be there tomorrow and bub will eventually learn to sleep better and on their own, and hubby may be a door slammer forever and parent differently than you.
To give you some light at the end of the tunnel, my 18mo is now regularly sleeping through the night. It still takes me about an hour nightly to help bub relax for sleeping but we have progress and that's the main thing. Hubby and I often choose to disagree on parenting choices and whoever is caring for bub at that moment makes the choices. We often bounce ideas off each other but still regularly choose to do things our preferred way.
Today is a new day, leave tomorrow in the past. X
It sounds as though your husband really does want to help but doesn't know how. You both need to sit down and calmly discuss what the routine is going to be for your baby and stick to it. Whether that may be using the pram until teething stops (do what you need to do) or letting him cry it out in his cot you both need to be on the same page. Work out a schedule of a night each or half hour intervals each (whatever you can both handle) and work together. Don't compare yourselves to what other parents are doing or what other babies are doing they are all individuals. We have one of each, a terrible sleeper and our other has slept through the night since 5 weeks old! Good luck it is such a hard time but you will get through it just stick together :)
At least he tries, mine doesn't help me with our 11 week old at all. He doesn't work so he's home all day and night with us but she's lucky if she gets to see him for two minutes a day. He's probably changed three diapers, helped with five baths and given about five feeds. That is all! So he is trying which is great. See if there's some way of making the door quiet when closing and that illiminates that issue. And either sit down together and agree on a bedtime routine that you both follow, or have him help in other ways whilst you solely take control of bedtime. Don't worry about loosing it, yes it's challenging and stressful at times but like you said, it won't last forever and it sounds like you have a good family team happening, just a little more communication needed maybe. It's no secret some men really need to have stuff banged into them, they just don't seem to hear. I feel ur pain, hang in there you're both doing great.
Thanks for your replies ladies :-)
He is an amazing daddy and an amazing partner..
I just had one of those "I effing hate you so much right now" moments lol I was tired, he was tired, bub was tired, we were all agitated but all good now :-) we are back to normal and happy lol
Being first time parents, we both had mostly the same parenting ideas.. He has just never been able to deal with screaming or crying so it's all up to me lol.
I've been around babies all my life and feel I know what I'm doing. Never had to ask for help or anything like that and all family and friends comment on how well we've done and how we are amazing parents. It's really reassuring, I guess everyone has their moments and no one is perfect :-)