My partner of seven years has decided that's it for him. He left this weekend leaving me with our 5yr old. I'm pregnant. 7wks along.
So long story short he wants me to abort this child. He is a senior manager, earns a lot and I am in management and on my way. He and I are only paying off a car but still if we have a child we will apparently sink into poverty...I feel we're better off than most people and I can't see why now is not a good time. He is in his early 30's and I'm in my late 20's. This pregnancy was not planned. He said this is not something I am prepared for in life and I don't want it. I asked him what will you do if I keep it? His response was resent it and have nothing to do with it when he collects our 5yr old. Uh what?! Who says things like that?
I am completely thrown and confused bythis behaviour. Of course I'm feeling hurt, rejected, angry and I'm absolutely beyond shattered.
What do I do? Do I keep the baby and focus on my kids? I mean I don't want him seeing one and not the other. I rather he didn't see any at all. Do I terminate focus on my career and child? I'm so fucking scared! I'm going to regret termination but at the same time I don't want this kid to suffer from its own father. I feel rejected, I don't want that for my kid. Am I a horrible life sucking wench if I keep the baby?! Because if I do its me being selfish. I'm trying to weigh everything that will affect me and my 5yr old. He is not even in the equation anymore. I don't think I could ever let him back into my life after this.
Is there anyone similar to what I am going through that could offer some advice? Some hope? Strength and courage would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance xxx
12 Replies
I kept my son after his father wanted me to abort. We didn't have other children. I believe in abortions but knew deep down it wasn't for me. So I went through with the pregnancy. I never regretted it. I knew his father wasn't going to be around and made plans around that throughout the pregnancy. I sought legal advice, financial advice, psychological advice through out my pregnancy. Yes it can be hard, I made sure I had good strong male role models around as my son grew and it's all turned out well.
You sound like a smart woman with a good head on your shoulders. With the right planning you can do this and your future child can have a happy healthy future.
Only you can answer those questions. I just hope you have a good support network. When my husband left me with children to raise I was a mess, you have added hormones running around so I hope you get the support and hugs you need. And I hope you can be at peace with whatever decision you make. Good luck im.
As someone else has said, only you can make this decision, and it needs to be YOUR decision, not his, because it doesn't sound like he will be around to support you either way. There are many factors to consider. Do you want another child? If you terminate this pregnancy will you be happy with 1 child if you don't get the opportunity to have another? (You are only in your 20's so you have plenty of time I know). Do you feel that you can manage 2 children on your own? It is commendable that you are thinking about how the child will feel, being rejected by their dad, but you still need to be at peace with your decision either way. I had a friend who fell pregnant young and refused to terminate because she said she felt like someone would always be missing from her life. I know other people who have fallen pregnant and just known that it wasn't for them, and chosen to terminate. Make the decision that's right for you, either way. Best of luck. X
Your only 7wks. Take some time to get things straight in your head dont make any rash choices straight away.
Start documenting everything now, keep a diary your life is going to get messy (he sounds like an dick that will play power games). Make a list of pros and cons, see a councillor so you have someone unbiased to share your thoughts and feelings with. Children can grow up fine without a dad (you never know he might change his mind and be an ok dad -don't hold your breath though). Women have and will continue to survive after having an abortion. Both options will change your life forever but at least your life has already been changed for the better by such a selfish dick leaving. Good luck and be strong show your 5yo how amazing you are and can be.
Being a single parent with a newborn and a 5 yr old and no support is really really hard ! and you will have to put your career on hold , and I hope ur employer offers maternity leave , then ur new baby will have to go to daycare at a young age ! Have u thght about this ? The financial burden will be huge as well on a single income ! I would never have a baby with some one that told me they wanted nothing to do with it and hope he " comes around " that's the definition of selfish !
The definition of selfish is having sex with someone and not accepting your responsibilities when an unplanned baby comes along! If he didn't want a baby, then abstain from sex. He clearly did not do that so he needs to accept his part in making this child and start acting like an adult!
You are devastated and confused of course but please do not abort based on what he is saying right now, he is trying to control you and this situation by scaring you into doing what he wants. If u want this baby then keep it and get yourself set up and independent. His scare tactics will change once the pregnancy is progressing and definitely when the baby arrives, he's not going to see one child and ignore the other, have u ever heard of someone doing this? Don't let him control u with blackmail, make the decision for yourself
I can tell you what happes when you listen to him because I've been through it.. We have a 4 year old and I was 10 weeks he told me he would leave and want nothing to do with it or the one we already had and Plus a lot of other hurtful things. I was so scared I got the abortion and it was the worst thing I have ever done. I regret it every single day and miss my baby that I could of had. Not only that but I hate my partner for putting pressure on me to do it and have so much resentment that the relationship is not worth it anyway. So I have given up my baby and my partner for nothing. Fuck him off and keep your baby. Your child will love you forever.
I'm not suggesting you do this but if it was me, I'd terminate, focus on my career and earning money so you can provide everything and more for your 5 year old and never have to struggle financially and emotionally
I am in a very similar situation, we have a young child together, have just separated, and I found out I am 4 weeks pregnant. I am not keeping the baby. not because I don't think I am capable of doing it on my own but because I don't want to bring another child in to this world into a broken family. I also have two older children from a previous relationship. he also doesn't want the baby but his thoughts have no weighed in on my decision, I know in myself I cannot have another baby, not in this situation. good lucky with whatever decision you make.
You're not being selfish if you keep the baby... It takes two to tango! He is being selfish by not accepting his responsibilities!! If he's old enough to have sex, he's old enough to know that the only fool proof way to prevent a baby is abstinence.... He clearly didn't abstain so now he has to accept his responsibilities!!