Hi IM's. Just wondering if anyone can help. I have a 17year old son who has been out of school for about 14 months. He has no desire to work despite mum struggling to support him. Everything turns into a heated discussion despite whether I talk to him calmly or not. He has repeatedly said he doesn't want to work but yet when other people apart from myself talk to him about it he says he wants an appretiship etc. he is with an employment agency but comes home and says they don't help him. I've tried making him apply for jobs online at home but he comes up with a million excuses. I have to other kids (11 and 3) that I need to focus on but I'm constantly stressed out and feel like I'm walking on eggshells around my 17 year old. He explodes at the drop of a hat at anything. I have struggled with him to even do any housework. He receives youth allowance from centrelink. I'm currently studying online and gave up work about a year ago due to the rise in daycare fees. I don't know what else to do. His dad isn't in the picture and never has been (never received child support from him in 17 years). This was his dad's choice not mine. Please help. I'm at my wits end. My family are worried I'm going to have a nervous breakdown and end up in hospital. I'm worried I'm going to end up with a heart attack. (I have had many years of difficulty with him despite any discipline method that has been used).
7 Replies
It was probably time ages ago to take him to be assessed for mental health issues. He sounds like he isn't coping with life at all. Wether that's low self esteem, a planning issue or what. Take him to the GP and tell the GP the back story. You have described my female teen years and I felt like I was Dying in side. I was scared, lost, confused, depressed and it made me look like a lazy arse teen, when in fact I really needed some help.
You are not alone!! The people at Head Space may be able to help him (and you!) See if you have a centre near you www.headspace.org.au It sounds like he has to find someone to talk to, and I think they just get to the point where they don't want to talk to us mums, they want a male role model. Head Space might be able to help him with some career planning and they have counseling in a non-confronting kind of environment. Hang in there!!
It sounds like my house. Apart from mental health issues, this sounds like there may be drug issues as well.
It may be time to say, time to stand on his own two feet! Kick him out! Then he'll get a job or help out!
Breathe. Relax. You're doing the absolute best that you can for him, and you can't expect anymore from yourself than that.
Maybe he does need some mental health support - headspace is a great place to start. It also sounds like he's feeling a bit misunderstood and needs someone to connect with him on his level.
Angry is usually the outward expression of fear, hurt or frustration or a mixture of these things. It can be so much easier to understand why someone is reacting angrily when you know what the emotion that is underneath it is and why they might be having this emotion. Maybe he feels like he will never get anywhere with work so there is no point trying, maybe he lacks self confidence to follow what he really wants to do (an apprenticeship from the sounds) etc etc. once you know what's underneath you will be able to support him better
All I can say is I do understand! My son is 16, still at school
But a constant struggle to keep him attending! Bedrooms a bloody mess, hygiene terrible, doesn't lift a finger and last year his attitude and bullying towards me led me to anti depressants! If and when my son has finished school and decides to sit on his ass while I do everything and support him I imagine I will force him to a job, uni or apprenticeship and make him pay board the minute he receives gov payments. Bloody teenagers, good luck hon!
Oh and I put him on anti depressants last year which had helped enormously!!!
Oh and I put him on anti depressants last year which had helped enormously!!!