I feel bad and stupid but sometimes i wish i was a single parent. My hubby is so emotionally draining that some nights i just lose my shit, walk out and end up at my local McDonalds.
My hubby is diagnosed and medicated depression. He is VERY difficult to talk to sometimes when it comes to 'feelings'. I have been extremely patient over all these years but being his sole support, I've now cracked and about to be medicated myself for depression. I see all these posts on fb about depression and being there and not judging etc etc. But what about the partners? Where do we turn?? I feel sometimes it'd be easier just me and the 2 kids, it's not like i can rely on him. I am hormonal atm which doesn't help, but i just feel unappreciated a lot of the time. He does heaps around the house, but i feel like he's just not engaged in our marriage. Due to his meds he has no libido. We haven't had sex in 2.5yrs. And no, there is absolutely no one else. There is no violence or anything, just a sexless, boring existence. Sorry.
Just a rant
Just a rant
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
3 Replies
As soon as I reached emotionally draining I thought depression.
Many mental health services most of them actually offer support to carers including education programs respite trips away and introducing you to other carers. Which area are you in will try to figure out who to contact?
There is funding available specifically for you as his carer for respitea even the local psych services mind or mental illness fellowship can apply for your carers funding to give you a break and connect you to support services...one year they used mine to get him a gym membership....worked for me he wasn't under my feet.....respite
And it is SO IMPORTANT that you make the time to connect outside of the house. I take refuge at the local church....its located on a mobile black spot :) they drive me nuts at times but they offer alot of support too even if it is a hug and a coffee.
Don't apologise. I've suffered from depression myself. So bad that I considered jumping off a building. I'm also a carer of an adult with multiple disabilities. You are absolutely entitled to your feelings. Nobody can be anyone's sole support person. It's exhausting and draining and an unbelievable amount of pressure! It's just not doable for the long term.
Being depressed isn't an excuse to not be engaged in your relationship and generally doesn't make you incapable of being able to hear how your partner is feeling. Depression doesn't mean I couldn't hear a friend talk about her hard time. Not being able to hear someone else's stuff is just selfish, not depression! Especially if he is well enough to be coping with day to day tasks. If he was in a can't get out of bed stage then I'd get it. Long and the short of it though is his depression doesn't trump all of your needs, there has to be a balance otherwise the price is far too high.
Your kids need at least one happy parent in there lives, you can't afford to go down with the ship.
Is hubby doing everything he should be doing to get better? Is he seeing a psychologist etc? When was the last time you saw his psychologist together? Does hubby even recognise that this is a problem for you.
Have you tried marriage counselling to work in your marriage??
My point is there is only so much you can sacrifice for one person. They have to work at least as hard as you on themselves and that doesn't mean forgetting to work on your relationship, and if he isn't prepared to put some work in and listen to your needs too, then it's ok to say I need to focus on me now, and I'm sorry but I can't be your everything because the kids need one functioning parent in there lives and at least one happy, stable parent.
Totally agree. Depression doesn't trump your health and needs.
You are drained and being dragged down. The point of needing to be medicated because of your relationship is the point you need to care for.yourself. You can be there for him and support him and listen. You don't need to give yourself to it though.
I agree too , not listening isn't depression it's being selfish. Either way, the above applies, you're not being heard and supported and you deserve to be.