My husband has confessed that at the moment he feels like he would rather stay at work than come home. I appreciate his honesty but it's hard to hear.
I think we are both suffering with depression. He hasn't bonded well with our youngest. He tries but our clingy baby only wants mum. He believes he just isn't great with babies and things will improve as she gets older. He says he took a while to bond with our eldest too so perhaps he is right.
He is a great dad - he's very involved with dinner, bath and bed routine. He reads stories to our toddler every night. He cooks dinner on the nights that I can't even get time to pee, let alone get dinner on the table. And he tries to pick up the slack when I get behind with everything at home.
Between our 2 kids we often get behind with cleaning up. Our kitchen is always messy. Last nights dishes are always waiting. The rest of the house looks like a bomb went off more often than not. I feel like the most incompetent SAHM ever. It's depressing. We both need a break. Without family support and with limited finances how do you get the chance to breathe and take care of yourself and your partner when you have little kids?
Incompetent mum
Incompetent mum
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Self Care, Parenthood Guilt, Baby & Toddler
5 Replies
These are the absolute hardest years. If you can get through the next few years you have it made. Things that I found help, taking a bath or having a shower together, that way only the bathroom has to be tidy, light some candles, turn the lights off.
Make your bedroom your haven. My bedroom, sorry kids, is my absolute haven. It's a no kid zone except for a few occasions. I needed somewhere that wasn't taken over by kids, and mostly for me and my partner. Same again, you could make a picnic to eat in the bedroom, watch a romantic movie, have sex.
It doesn't matter if the housework doesn't get done one night, schedule it.
It's ok for the house to be a mess and look after the baby, but not if it's causing stress and you'd like it done you just can't do it.
Husband could just take the baby even if it cries for an hour ( it won't, and it's how it will learn to spend time with daddy) he could take them out for a walk to the park or put them both in the bath, giving you time to do a quick dish wash, wipe down, and tidy. Or have a shower! Or a sleep!
it sounds like he's great it's just misplaced so it's not working the best it could. remember once the baby will go with other people life will be much better. Work together , get your timeout so you can give him his.
could you maybe factor a cleaner into your budget? Maybe you could find someone who could come help once a week, fortnight or month. I guess this just depends on finances maybe even if it was a once off, like once your all on top of it, you might find it easier staying on top. look at getting a dishwasher to help with the dishes, i personally hate doing dishes I will quite literally do everything else in the house to avoid the dishes. as a sahm draw a daily roster up of the chores race around do them then get out of the house so the kids can't trash pack a picnic and take the kids to the park, beach find a playgroup/ mums group. if your youngest is needy look into baby wearing that way you can still get housework done involve the eldest get them to do small things like dusting or cleaning up toys and make time for yourselves as a couple, even if you have to schedule it after a while it should all fall it to place
But most importantly remember you are doing the best you can do be proud
good luck.
it does get better. maybe restructure things within the house to make it a little easier to get these things done, if you check pinterest there are tips and things...but really what I found worked was thinking about the challenge the action moving things to try something else...testing it out.....seeing how it worked and if it doesn't work try something else....it took some aspects 3-4 tries to find what worked....but its worked..
and layby for cabinets hutches and display cases from second hand dealers has seriously helped to get so much packed out of the way.
Cook dinner at lunch time if you can then that way all you have to do is re heat. It means you can clear away then as well rather than after dinner when I personally fall in a heap on the couch!
I have also found a weekly to do list helps a lot!
Sometimes I find a messy house makes me want to clean it less whereas a ( semi) tidy house I really try to maintain it better!