Please tell me there are other loving mothers out there who bust their asses for their children just to make ends meet never mind to give them all they never had who sometimes just lose their absolute shit with their children.
Right now I feel like I don't deserve to be a mother. My relationship with my child is very tense and has been for some time he has big behaviour issues and we are linked in with many services for support and we are seeking assistance and help through private services and school and we all work together to help this child but tonight I just lost my cool and gave him a right back hand.
I can't take it back and I feel like absolute crap. I don't need all the perfect mother I just need to know other mothers get it wrong and hurt sometimes too.
How do I make sure he never pushes me this far again. I honestly just snapped and before I knew it I had hit him. As a mother my heart feels broken.
4 Replies
It's time to access respite care if you aren't already. As one mum to another of a child with a lot of issues, you need a break, you need rest. Respite care is a must. You are probably illegible for respite through the Commonwealth Carelink Centres. It's in home respite, they come to you. You can even be there but doing something else like having the longest bath. Do you have a mental health care plan for you? I found it a MUST.
I get it I really do
Your last paragraph holds your answer. "How do I make sure he never pushes me this far again". You are responsible for your own reactions. He didn't make you hit him. You, in the heat of the moment, made a poor choice. Every single parent has done it one way or another. So you need to find coping strategies for when you're feeling overwhelmed or stressed. Walk out of the room. Count to ten. Big breaths. Walk back in. Deal with him calmly. When you are angry, you are not in control of any situation. Figure out how to regain composure before deciding on descipline. I have three. Two are very difficult. With one, I've realised no amount of loud yelling or smacking will ever work, so I just let her spack out, then the foot goes down. Time out, or whatever punishment is (removing wii, cancelling outings etc), and the punishment instantly increases if she gets louder, is rude, or continues. I don't yell, if she can't hear me cause she's screaming, that's her problem because her punishment is increased. It does work. She utterly exhausts me but it's how I gain composure. Find your way. X
Counselling for you would be a good idea. And some CBT under the belt.
And listen to this lady above me...we have all been there.
The only person responsible for our behaviour is us.
A few weeks ago I lost my last thread with my daughter. We had had an extremely stressful week getting a big assignment finished for her and her rude, ungrateful attitude finally broke me. I grabbed her by the shoulders, shoved her down on the bed and smacked her so hard I hurt my hand. I felt sick at my lack of control. I rarely smack by the way. The next day I apologised and promised to never hit her again. Kids are amazingly forgiving. Don't beat yourself up about it. You aren't the first and you won't be the last. I understand your current self loathing but just take a deep breath and know that, unless you do this on a regular basis, this doesn't make you a bad mum.