I did just post this but a lovely lady pointed out that i didn't post anonymous. Please no judgment, I'm a first time mum and scared out of my mind. I didnt know my daughters father for very long when I fell pregnant. When I told him he was all excited but turned around and told me to get an abortion or he would leave me. I said no, and he left. He came back when she was 7 weeks old and then took off again. Before he left the first time he was living with some mutual friends. When he moved out one of our friends was cleaning up his room and she found young girls clothes new with tags that would fit maybe a 4-5year old with cum on them. I thought it was weird but didnt think much of it at the time. My daughter is now 9 months old and he would like to get back in her life. Originally I was all for it. I wanted nothing more than my daughter to know her father.
I was reading an article tonight written by a lady whos daughter was molested by her biological father. She was saying how she should have seen the signs but brushed them off. Now I'm freaking out about the same thing happening to my daughter. I dont want make accusations and I tried to ask him about it but he just said he has mo idea what I'm talking about. The clothes are long gone, my friend threw in the trash. I have no evidence. I feel sick to my stomach that my daughters father may be a pedophile. I dont know to go about this. I don't want to tell him that he can't see his daughter if there is nothing "wrong" with him. But if there is and I say no. He can always fight me in court and I have no evidence to say he shouldn't see her. Please help am I being irrational?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
14 Replies
Speak to bravehearts. Plus make him go through the proper channels to organise his relationship with his daughter. So tell him to organise mediation. Some guys can't be bothered and that's enough to put them off.
Hi darl. Maybe just say that you will feel more comfortable at the start for you to be there with her for visiting times as she doesn't really know him and maybe just say she has an attachment to you right now and don't want her getting really upset. And see what channels you can go from there. Good luck darl. Listen to your gut xx
By the size of the clothes his interest is preschoolers it will be well past supervised and he will have her on weekends by the time she reaches that age
Ok in my opinion you need to be careful but on the other hand you didn't see the clothes and have no first hand experiance here. She may be a great friend but if she really was those clothes shouldve been taken to police, I know I would if I ever found young children clothes with cum on them.
If he denies any knowledge then really there's nothing you can do except be on alert for any changes but I wouldn't be judging his actions on the basis of a friend who felt it was ok to throw these supposed cum stained clothes out
Ps, it was me that posted you didn't do it anonymously, I really hope you can find the answers and sort this through and he may be what you say but I would want more prove then a friend who through out the evidence.
Good luck !!
Police wouldnt been interested....honestly......thats not how they work. There are literally thousands of paedophiles in the world and the majority never actually act on it....most are terrified that they will which is likely why he ran.
Leave him gone
If he wants a relationship i would be pushing for mediation and also to begin with push for supervised visits. Us the excuse that your daughter doesnt know him.and your worried he wouldnt know how to.care for your daughter. Then atleast you can watch him interact with her and look for any signs of inappropriate behaviour.
If he is gone leave him gone because once you are dealing with visitation etc it is near impossible and the only indication you see is the impact on your daughter which is not in itself evidence.
My daughters father is a paedophile....RUN!! that is not a mess you want to be cleaning up.
My eldest can't even see someone who looks like him without disassociating and from what we can tell I got them away before he managed anything more than grooming. He can't take you to court if he doesn't know where you are.
RUN
How did your friend know what was on the clothes? And why would you throw them out?
You are well within your rights to apply for supervised visits. I would just stick with that.
As much as I understand your protectiveness as I would be the same,
All you have is hearsay with no actual evidence.... So keep supervised visits and ask your friend if she ever finds evidence like that, please don't dispose of it.
Because it isn't a crime to masterbate on children's clothing. Police can't do anything with it....its just a red flag
You can report what you believe to docs. I suggest you do that.
And to be honest your friend found clothes with what she believes is male ejaculation.. How do you know it was just masterbating? What if there was a child in those clothes. I would have gone straight to police.
Likely because there wasn't a child in the house who would fit them. They still had the tags on. You can tell if children's clothes have been worn or not it's why you get a little cheer when you find brand spanking new items at the op shop.
Always trust your instincts. Something isn't right if alarm bells are already ringing
Maybe he just jacked off and grabbed what ever was under the bed to wipe his hands on. He had probably bought the clothes for your daughter previously (guys have no idea about sizing)
So are then any children who go to the house that would fit that size clothing? And in saying that, if your gut instinct is saying that he may be a pedophile then do not leave your child in his care. Why even risk it?
If you are wrong down the track then so be it, the safety and innocence of a child is far more important.