I'm a mum to a perfect little 4 month old girl and a stepmum to two boys 5&8.
My partner can be wonderful, but I want to spend the first year with my little girl, I don't intend to have another baby, so I don't want to miss her milestones, so I have asked my partner to get a job so I can stay home, just for a year. We are supposed to get married next year, there's no money for that, his 2 boys are in private school which I am helping pay for, the 5 of us live in a 2 bedroom place because we cannot afford any bigger, I don't think it's much to ask for him to work for a year. But he is content to sit on Facebook or just chill around the house. Is it wrong for me to want a little more? I'm starting to feel like a horrible person because I want more than he is willing to do. I would like to get married, I would love to not worry so much and actually have some savings behind us, not just mine, I'd love to be able to move to even a 3 bedroom place rather than an upstairs 2 bedroom apartment where there is no room for the kids to play let alone any place to store anything, it's never tidy because there is literally nowhere to put anything.
I'm going insane!
I'm going insane!
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt, Kids
5 Replies
So he doesn't currently work? You are well within your rights to ask him to work! That is ridiculous, I obviously don't know your circumstances or if there is more to the story but if there's no reason why he can't work then he should be! I don't think a year off work for a new mum is asking too much either, it probably would've been more sensible to bring it up before baby came along but sometimes these things happen or you change your mind etc. He needs to step it up, and maybe you can also compromise but looking for part time work when bub gets to six/nine months.
I think you're with the wrong guy. If he wasn't working before you got together he wasn't going to change because a baby came along.
I don't think you are unrealistic for wanting those things and there are plenty of guys out there who would have been looking for a job at the very least. But this guy isn't those guys. He's lazy and isn't going to turn into a different person because you both had a baby.
Did you have no arrangement or some kind of a plan once you were pregnant and planning this child? Why doesn't he work? Did you have joint plans for your future?
I'm not saying you can never change those, it's good to have ambition, it's just a different situation depending on the circumstances.. If he's promised it all and now not doing it that's really unfair. If he hadn't promised it and he's not changing you might have just found out who he is. If he has a valid reason for being home, find alternative ways to be able to stay home too if that's what you want. If he's not working and you are then why are the kids in private school. Rearrange your budget so you can afford your maternity leave for the year like you want.
I'm very confused as to why he doesn't even have a job and why you are expected to support him, your child and then pay for his children to go to private school.
There must be more to this because he sounds LAZY!! Pretty much everyone has to work and unless your lucky enough to survive off one wage and then at that point it's a decision made by the family as to who works and who stays home.
Stop paying for his kids private schooling! Not your problem