Well the heading pretty much says it all.. I can't believe I could ever say such a thing, but Im nearly ready to give up on being a Mum.. I just can't do it anymore.
I've tried my hardest, on my own, to raise a happy healthy little boy but I've never been hard enough on him and it's all caught up on me too late and instead Ive raised a 4 year old brat who is bossy and argumentative and has no respect for his Mum.
I've been a single Mum since he was only a couple months old and work a nearly full time job in order to try to create the best life for us that I can, but Im failing at being a Mum.. big time.. and have virtually lost control of my own child. I sometimes even dread leaving work in the afternoon and going to pick him up because I know that every single step of the evening.. bath time, dinner time, bed time, will be a battle.. It always is.
He's so good for everybody else but it's like he hates me.. or he's sick of me or something, because he's not good with me and it has gotten so hard that I find myself walking on eggshells around my own son in order to try to prevent another tantrum because Im just too tired to deal with it.. Seriously, what kind of mother walks on eggshells around their own 4 year old? I try not to let him see any weakness but once he is in bed at night I just cry and cry..
I guess I don't really have a question but needed to let it out.. I don't really talk to anyone, it's not easy to tell your friends and family that you're failing at being a parent. If anyone has any suggestions on a book to read or an online course or something that might help I would be really appreciative.. Thank you x
6 Replies
Honestly, I'd get you both off to see a child psychologist. I don't think there is anything wrong with either if you, but they can help get to the bottom of it all and give you parenting skills and goals that work for you both. They can help provide that back bone and set small behaviour goals.
My son is also 4 and can be a real handful. I got to the point i just couldnt deal with him.anymore. i started a reward chart so made a sheet of paper with squares bought some gold stars any good behaviour or if he completed a task i requested he got a star after one line of stars was filled he got to choose from the reward box (which was 20 dollars worth of toys at the 2 dollar shop) it worked a treat a couple of times he was so bad i took stickers off but after a few days and once he got one reward he hasnt looked back.
Dont argue with him just put him in the bath or into bed. Act like his behaviour does not bother you or put him in his room and shut ths door.
Is he well behaved at kinder, grandmas house ?? if yes then he is just testing your patience, he is pushing your buttons and winning.
I know sometimes it is not worth argueing and you go around in circles... dont beat your self up i hear this hoing on in lots of households. Find his reward system as suggested and read some books about dealing with your anxiety and how to relate to this behavior. You are doing a great job, he sounds like a perfectly normal four year old. xo
Please PM me, I have a difficult 3 year old and felt the same till I got help from a behavioural therapist. Here to talk if you need xxx
Please PM me, I have a difficult 3 year old and felt the same till I got help from a behavioural therapist. Here to talk if you need xxx
I was a single mum with a 4 yr old son. I remember going to a triple p parenting program with married parents of kids the same age and realised that I was in a much better position get on top of his behaviour.
I now have a 6 yr old daughter with my husband and it was crazy fighting all the time about what is acceptable behaviour and what is not.
You are not failing you are a good num for recognising his behaviour (a lot of parents ignore it) and adjusting to another "fun" stage. You will learn a lot about your own values and beliefs during this stage. Now is the time to set the rules and set them in stone. They know your weeknesses and will play on them all the time.. now at 16 he still tries lol I raised a very well rounded and grounded boy. At 4 I was worried what sort of person he would be. I HAD to stand strong with tantrums and at 16 and hormones those tantrums can return but not as often. My daughter is doing better too now that my hubby is in the same page.
Just don't ever think because you are a single parent that you are doing a lesser job than a couple raising a child. You have an advantage in a lot of ways. But don't let your mummy guilt give in when you need to be putting the tough love in. Kids need boundaries and at 4 they need to be solid and as they get older you can relax them very very slowly and when he is 16 and you relax the boundaries you will find they know the expectations and will respect you enough to know not to cross mum because if she has to put the boundaries back life can be hell hehe chin up..it does get easier.