Ok I will start at the beginning - please no negative comments - this is a sesitive issue for me for a lot of reasons.
Years ago I thought I was in love got married and fell pregnant. It all fell apart after my ex's mother died and I had endure 2 1/2 years of volatile behaviour. He refused to seek help and I told him I wanted to seperate. He all of a sudden wanted to do counselling and work things out. I reluctantly agreed as I hated him by this point (not a word I use lightly - he is 1 of 2 people I honestly hate). The night before the third counselling session he raped me. I was in shock - I didn't know what to do and he did it again almost a week later, shocked I moved into a 1 bedroom flat with only the possessions I could fit into my mAdza 2. My son was almost 3 at this time.
I was embarrassed and ashamed. I made a lot of bad decisions as I wasn't thinking straight. I ended up developing post traumatic stress syndrome as a direct result of the rapes. I am currently getting help for this and low self esteem issues.
Initially I had my son on a 50/50 care arrangement. As he got older my son became very difficult and it was obvious he wasn't a normal child. He was diagnosed as autistic at 6 1/2. He couldn't cope with the constant change In Routine going between 2 houses every few days and was acting out at school - got calls and emails a lot. I convinced myself the best thing to do for him would be to leave him with his dad to avoid the change in routine. The other part of it was I could no longer live in the same town as the person who raped me, so I left town. My ex has majority custody although there is no formal agreement in place. My son has made some inroads this year but is by no means perfect or where he should be academically.
I feel like my ex is neglecting my son's special needs - he isn't seeing a paediatrician or psychologist. He has toileting issues. My ex has taken my son to Westmead's continence clinic 3 times in the last year which is great but my son went through a period of hiding his underwear in his bedroom after having accidents and my ex admitted to me he didn't notice the hidden underwear for some time. How could you not notice something like this. I don't feel like my son is being looked after properly.
After seeing the little autistic boy who ran away from his house and was Found drowned in a lake in Perth it makes me wonder about my son and worry.
I want to get my son back. I want to know my rights. My ex's rights - if there is anything I can do about my ex's crime toward me. I live in nsw
There are other issues - I have remarried and am not sure how my new husbo would respond to my son full time. I work Fifo 2 weeks on/ 2 off. I am obviously concerned about how me leaving town might affect my chances of getting my son back. Things are so messed up. Any advice would be appreciated - thank you ladies xxx
3 Replies
Firstly think hard about wether this is something you are ready to disrupt your sons life over. You currently are FIFO and are you prepared to give that up. You've said he is doing better and as a parent of a child with autism myself it's very easy from the outside to say how did he not notice until your in the situation yourself. As you said he was hiding the underwear that means they were not in plain sight.
Also you need to talk to your partner, if your partner doesn't 100% know what he's getting into and has any donuts don't disrupt your son.
But to answer your questions you and your son both have the right to have a relationship.
Also think very carefully about pressing charges (I totally would not normally say this) your son is stable at the moment and pressing charges will mean your sons life and stability will be turned upside down. I'm not saying you shouldn't press charges but you should think carefully of all the consequences and I think you need to do that with a counsellor.
Once you are sure you are ready then go organise mediation etc to sort out the arrangements.
If you use getting raped as the reason you want your son back and feel your ex isn't taking care of him properly the court will just question why you gave full custody to your ex AFTER you were raped in the first place. As for your ex not finding your sons hidden under wear for quite some time, I think that is irrelevant. I find things my son has hidden in his room months after he hid them.. I don't think that makes me a bad mum! Unless your ex has hurt your son and there is proof of neglect I don't think you have a chance in court sorry. Good luck
I'm sorry but Mel was right bout leaving ur child with ur husband and i come from an abusive relationship with a child that has asd and would never of done that. Definitely wouldn't of moved out of the town my son was in.
U going bck into ur sons life now and take his father away to sone degree is prob the worst thing u could do to ur son. As u know it is all about routine and the people he is use too.