So I think my boyfriend has Aspergers. I've told him this and his mother to.
For me it makes so much sense and would explain so much. I also think his daughter is as well.
I will be pushing for him to be tested so we can get the help he needs to better understand it all and also for myself.
I've done a lot of googling and reading but would love to hear from people who are adults either living with it or partners of people with it.
He is so normal in so many ways and that's why I believe he has gone this far (32) without anyone picking it up. I have always known something was a little off with him but put it down to what was going on in his life at the time. I strongly feel he is and his daughter is as well. Where do I go from here. He said he would get tested but I think it was more so to shut me up. His a lovely person but he gets very angry very easily and i don't feel he is living life to his fullest and I just want him to really be happy with himself and his life he is living and I want to be happy living it with him. And if his daughter is to get her the help she needs.
I think my boyfriend has Aspergers
I think my boyfriend has Aspergers
Posted in:
Aspergers & Autism
7 Replies
I have aspergers. The thing you have to understand is, having a diagnosis doesn't help me live to the fullest of a neuro typical person. Having a diagnosis helps me understand that it's ok to accept my limitations. Which then allows me to be at full capacity at other times. I need more down time than most people, more time to myself without people talking. I need to be able to say no to social engagements, because not saying no when I need to will lead to a meltdown.
Unfortunately people with aspergers, myself included are very happy with who we are. We really don't want to change that much because the lives we often lead, suit us. Also just like any one things like psychological sevices, and CBT only work if we engage in the process, and because we are adults forcing us to do it doesn't really work.
There are parts of my profile that I am happy to work on and there are parts I'm not. Like i wanted to improve my career so wa happy to work on my social skills at work, but I couldn't care less about my social skills at home! I can understand why someone wouldn't want a long term relationship with me because the truth is I will always prefer my own company and I just don't have the energy to put the effort in. I know there are things I should do because they are socially appropriate, but don't always care enough to do them.
So my advice, have a think about what your expectations are around the process of getting a diagnosis. What are you expecting to happen after the diagnosis. If you are expecting some changes you will probably be disapointed.
Thank you so much for your reply. I was thinking I'd get some changers with him but since I've spoken to him and his mum and I've started to pay more attention to him and how he is I've started to change the way I'm responding. Instead of gettin upset oor snapping or being a bitch I'm responding the best I can. I honesty believe he is and I'm starting to think that I'm the one who needs to learn about it so in can learn what triggers him. Is there a site or something he can go on to talk to people with aspergers? Somewhere he can get some support. Ask questions? I love him and I want our relationship to work but the angry out bursts have to be less. I think that's possible once we learn more about it and him. Is there any information you can give me? Anything?
One thing I want remake clear. If he is being verbally abusive that's not ok. It's also not ok to tie yourself in knots trying to change your behaviour so you don't set him off. It has to be both of you working at it, and it's really important not to loose yourself down the rabbit hole. Don't loose yourself in the process, if you feel like that's what is happening then the price is too high.
We have had our ups and downs that's for sure but he is such a beautiful person but I started to feel like after being with him for a year that I don't really know him. Like I do but I don't it's really hard to explain. So I have Google all sorts of things I thought he might have. And nothing ever felt like it fit I wouldn't do this all the time just every now n then. We have been together for almost three years and just the other day I read a post on fb about a guy that got bashed who had aspergers and i found myself googling more about itand it just seem to fit. I think he will be willing to work with me and has stopped a few things I didn't like and wasn't good for him. And to be honest I already feel like a weight has been lifted and I'm not attacking him all the time like I use to. The poor thing has coped it from me. But he gives it back worse. His always got to be the louder one the angrier one. So I have to shut up and walk away. So I do feel like he is willing to work on himself and I'm willing to work on myself to. I just want to know him inside and out. So I can feel closer to him. If I know how his mind works then I'll have a better understanding of him and want be questioning everything like I have been for the last 3 years.
Thank you so much for your reply. I was thinking I'd get some changers with him but since I've spoken to him and his mum and I've started to pay more attention to him and how he is I've started to change the way I'm responding. Instead of gettin upset oor snapping or being a bitch I'm responding the best I can. I honesty believe he is and I'm starting to think that I'm the one who needs to learn about it so in can learn what triggers him. Is there a site or something he can go on to talk to people with aspergers? Somewhere he can get some support. Ask questions? I love him and I want our relationship to work but the angry out bursts have to be less. I think that's possible once we learn more about it and him. Is there any information you can give me? Anything?
My husband was diagnosed 2 weeks ago at the ripe age of 35. I had suspicions for many years and he also was sick of feeling at odds with the world. My son was diagnosed at 5 with ADHD and trough his diagnosis we learned the positive aspects of having an answer. If you are in Sydney I can whole heartedly recommend Patricia at Embracing the Other Half in Pymble. She specialises in adult diagnosis. We are seeing her now for counselling and it has given us so many insights into our communication difficulties and his depression and frustration issues. Best of luck.
Do you have a phone number?
Thanks and good luck to u to.