I hate my life! I hate it. My children are arrogant, back chatting, disobedient little shits. My husband is chronically ill and I am the angry mum who sounds so ugly when she talks to her kids.
I want to say I'm a Christian but in true definition of the word ie one who follows Jesus, I am not.
I cannot parent my children well
Enough that they don't argue or break down into a sobbing mess because they don't get what they want. They know what to choose but simply don't then they get angry for us discipline their younger surer when she does what they do and we catch her at it. We discipline them too, but woe betide us if mil doesn't like it and threatens to call docs when we don't let our son go to camp
Because he refused to do as he was told by his father and argued for 30 mins (I don't even
Know why he argued for that long!!!).
Parenting is hard, consistency is bloody exhausting but I am
Just plain failing. They are my children and I love them
But would love to just kick them
Out and let them live elsewhere! Except the 4 year old. My
Others are 12 & 10.
They hate each other and lie, steal and dump
Each other in trouble whenever they can and I don't know what to do with them. How do you discipline them when
No matter what you do they don't care.
Our church family know all to well
About the rudeness, lies and stealing As my kids have done it there. Whenever I have found out I have made kids apologise and return/clean/fix whatever they have done.
I'm burning out, I can't stand my
Kids, I don't want to be near my husband and I hate myself and who I'm turning into.
What do I do? I just can't cope
Right now.
Yes I've had counselling, I exercise and eat reasonably well. I just want to run away from everything.
How do I parent my Children when I can't stand the thought of waking up to yet another screaming argument, tattle tale, blame shifting day?
16 Replies
What sort of support have your kids had? Have they ever been checked for things like ADHD by a paediatrician, have you taken them to see a child psychologist??
Something is going on for them. Have your kids had a chance to talk through how they feel about a chronically ill parent?
I have to wonder if they misbehave for attention? Happens quite a lot in busy homes. Where any attention is good attention.
I agree about the attention. You're probably putting your everything into your partner and feeling stretched thin and emotionally broke. Instead of sending them away, try sending him away ( for a short time) and giving the kids and yourself a sense of normalcy. It could be the timeout you all need to find normal again and recharge and reconnect.
Actually, I think it's the MIL that needs to be sent away! It's hard enough parenting without someone judging you, and threatening to call child services on you!
Yes she's another issue, but focusing efforts on the fallout - like mil, kids behaviour, meltdowns, church, punishments, etc is all futile while the cause (him) is still there creating this unhealthy dynamic in everybody around him.
OP again. I do not see hubby's long term illness causing him to be the problem. "Sending him away" is not the way to deal with life.
When he does go away the kids get very upset and frantic. They are better when he's here.
OP again. I do not see hubby's long term illness causing him to be the problem. "Sending him away" is not the way to deal with life.
When he does go away the kids get very upset and frantic. They are better when he's here.
Ok I read that you can't stand him, you're terribly unhappy with the situation and obviously the kids are struggling too. You know the situation best but never close off an option. There's nothing wrong with taking a break when the pressures boiling. Maybe it's you who needs a little timeout then, take a weekend away to unwind, reset and start fresh.
Hi,
OP here. My kids have no developmental issues. They had been in counselling for the two major traumas in their lives. Support happens but there's only So many times ou can ask for help before people get sick of it.
Yes They get attention but they still act up. I am burning out and trying to Find help for me because I am getting hell
For them.
*help not hell
I would guess they're a mixed up bag of high emotions and can understand why they don't care at all about anything at the moment with a chronically ill father.
I'm sorry you're life's in such a dark place right now, focus on building relationships with the kids and ease your stress.anywhere you can and take your time out to calm and regain your own composure and strength. You have to look after yourself first so you can look after them. Put your energy into turning negatives into positives for yourself and then for them as often as you can.
Just another thought. Are you accessing all the services that are available to your family. Are you using the local council disability and illness services. They have services like in home care, housework, home repairs, food shopping services etc.
If your husband is chronically ill those services can really lighten the load, giving you a break and giving you more positive time with the kids too.
Has your family got a social worker? Talk to your GP about one, they can help you access any services you might not know about.
Magic 1 2 3 and learn when to step back... even if only for a minute.
Himself is in the same boat....and feels the same way....
It works when he applies it but he hasn't applied it in a while and is getting tied up in knots again.
Do you ever get one on one time with your kids? As in just you going out with the 12 year old, spend the day together, hug, tell them you love them. etc? Positive parenting sometimes works wonders in these situations. Look for positive parenting courses. I know that sounds strange, seeing they act out so much, but maybe they need to reconnect with you (and Dad?) away from all the stresses. Have big, deep and meaningful conversations with them one on one about how their behaviour effects you, but you love them so much and want to 'help' them (rather than punish them).
Thankyou for your honest & detailed post!! I often hate my life, my kids, & my hubby too, & get so depressed and guilty about the unchristian Christian woman/mum I am or am supposed to be!
My kids don't have the moral fibre or particularly the thoughtfulness/generosity, social involvement etc that I would've expected & dearly loved them to have. I get so sad & also so angry at the lack of direction or leadership or example from my husband, & the lack of listening/obedience & respect for my authority that my kids have.
No real advice here, just understanding & compassion, and am hearing your vent & havin a vent myself :-p. Xo
Hi Mumma!
I know how you're feeling and my kids are still young. I haven't read all the other replies, but have you heard of the Positive Parenting Program? It is usually accessed through child health and there are different programs for different age groups or particular behavioural problems you may be having with your children. My husband recently completed a week long course to help him develop management strategies for our very full on autistic toddler and the things he's learned have been amazing for the whole family. You may be able to access the courses online too, I'm not sure. It's definitely worth looking into, made a huge difference in our house!
Good luck and don't be too hard on yourself, you will get through this!
Have you had your kids checked of adhd or odd, some of what you have said sounds like my son, he has just been diagnosed with adhd. As for your MIL let her call DOCS, taking away privileges isn't neglectful, they probably just laugh at her. But she needs to but out, if the kids are seeing her say these thing, they will think they can do what they want and MIL will "have their backs".