Hi IMs,
Please no judgement or nasty comments...
I'm in a bit of a downer at the moment. I have everything I want- husband, son, baby on the way, family, secure job and lovely home. I feel that I'm missing one thing... Friends. I seem to "make friends" for a short while then they or I move on. I sometimes wish that I had friends who went out regularly and had a good time with. I don't know where or how to make "real" friends. I'm an emotional and honest person and struggle to deal with fake and selfish. people.
I sometimes feel guilty for wanting to go out & socialize, but I am also a realist and know that life is about balance
4 Replies
Where abouts do you live? How old etc?
I find I'm a 'bit' the same. What I've realised is that I don't really put mountains of effort into friendships. People that have good friendships, really do put the effort into it. They make plans, call each other etc. I am so enveloped in my family that I never really do those things. Apart from staying in contact on facebook! haha. I know this is my problem. I feel guilty when i do anything outside my kids and hubby... I don't know why.
I'm not the most social person. I make an effort to get involved in communal projects more so than with people as such. I have alot going on in my life and the demands of many women my age (or younger as most around here are) is more than I'm in a position to give without neglecting my children's welfare, relationship or my own sanity.
Don't get me wrong socialising is important for mental health and wellbeing but it can also compromise it if those relationships arent healthy. I find that the more focused on the projects enables a healthy level of interaction socially and it isnt as taxing.
Working with the same people over the years on various projects also helps maintain that continuity and they can be quite supportive and good friends even outside those specific roles.
What sort of communal projects?
more youth and kids related, I help the pastor at the high school put together craft projects each week for the kids quick 20 minute sessions at lunch times,
childrens church holiday programs I usually plan and prep the craft same for the sunday school when I am well although I do help lead on occasion.
there is a mothers group (mothers is a loose term) its more like young womens group, young being under 50.
although the youth group is up to 22 or 25, so its not that big a gap. although we don't hold strictly to age restrictions, the Fun loving over 50's (FLOF's) are notorious for invading
there is a music team they practice and play/sing two to three times a week.
there is an op shop always asking for volunteers (same church) but every tom dick and harry organisation has an op shop. there are numerous youth support services always looking for volunteers, youth camps also.
schools love parent helpers.