I feel so alone. I think this will be more of a vent then asking a question...
I have been with my husband for over ten years, married for most of that time. For the most part I am happy. Or I make myself happy for the sake of my family. If I am honest with myself, I hate where we live and I hate my job, but hubby and the kids are happy so that's all that really matters right???
My husband has been on and off with his decision to add to our family(we have two beautiful children already). He said yes we can try once before and then a month or so down the track changed his mind. This broke my heart!!! So fast forward, two miscarriages later and him on board for a third , we have been trying for six months he tells me this morning that he doesn't want to have sex cause I might end up pregnant!! I said isn't that the whole point??? Then he said it's all about me and what I want!!! I replied with that he only agrees to a baby to get what he wants (in the bedroom) then once he's satisfied he crushes my heart again.
Am I really being that selfish??? I believe that another baby would make me happy, something to look forward to. Don't get me wrong I love my two children that I have but I just don't feel complete??
I know words were said by both of us that were hurtful and we will get passed that we always do, but the heart ache doesn't get easier, I feel as though he purposely deceived me???
Help!! I think I just needed someone to vent to, my girlfriends will listen but I think they would side with my husband.
4 Replies
A baby wont make you happy if the other areas of your life are unhappy, you will be unhappy in other areas of your life but with a baby. Although babies are bundles of joy they can also add a hell of a lot of stress to a situation. Babies shouldn't be born with a job. Babies don't complete us, if we aren't complete or whole or happy then we need to make changes in the areas we are unhappy about.
If you genuinely want a baby, because you want another baby then thats a great reason to want one. If you are only having sex to have a baby and wouldn't enjoy having sex otherwise that is pretty cold.
Personally I think there are bigger issues than having a baby, and they should be worked on first. I think it is time to organise some counselling and some marriage counselling to work out what would make you happy, and the family happy.
I think this IM is very selfless. She doesn't care that she isn't happy, she puts her family first. They are happy so she is happy. But I think you deserve to be happy as well, and if deep down you want to add to your family nobody should say that they think it is a bad idea. She didn't say she didn't enjoy sex, and that she was only having sex to get pregnant, she said hubby did not want to in case. You can't swist her words to make your response sound better. She wrote for support not to be bagged out and made feels worse..
I'm not sure how you felt I bagged her out. I told her to make herself happy!
counselling would be a good place to start as a couple and on your own