Hello,
Not mum related, just need to know im not being selfish.... Or if I am.
7 years ago I was engaged to my first love, 3 years together we moved to Australia together, it was a dream...
Then one fateful night he was hit and killed by a car, only 2 weeks after making our big move across the ditch.
The night he died, a part of me died too. His family resented me, blamed me for his accident because I made him move to Australia..
I returned home with him for his funeral, I sat in the front row with his friends while his family read stories of his life, never mentioning me even thou I was there for 3 years...
Ever since I've blamed myself, this family of my first love blames me, hates me and there is nothing I can do. I've moved forward with my life, after two failed attempts at suicide I seemed professional help and started talking about my issues and got back on track. Fast forward to now I'm married (after thinking I could never love again) and happy, truly happy... But a part of me can't help but feel selfish & bad that my first love is not here sharing this life with me or someone else, just being alive even...
Does this pain ever go away? It still hurts every time I think of what could be...
Thank you ladies.
3 Replies
Oh thats so sad. Maybe go back to some counselling, it sounds like you have some unresolved survivors guilt. I think some things in life just need on going 'work' to help us cope. Make sure you have been checked for PTSD. I don't know the symptoms but sounds like that should be ruled out. Early treatment in PTSD makes a big difference I have been told. Good luck
And you have nothing to feel guilty about
I'm so sorry you've been through such sadness :( His family were hurting already seeing him leave the country, then to add to that pain they lost him forever. And as you know, grief messes with your mind. They probably wanted to blame someone - for some reason we always want to hold somebody responsible for a tragedy such has your fiancée's death. But it was not your fault. You did not cause his death by coming to Australia to start a new life together. His death was purely accidental, and had nothing to do with where you guys were living at the time. I can't tell you if the pain goes away, but I can tell you that over time, it stops taking over your life. You have survivor guilt, and it's normal after being involved in a fatal accident. It sounds like you had a great counsellor when you sought out help after your suicide attempts, and I think it would be really helpful to continue talking to them. If his family is still blaming you after 7 years, I think they would benefit from grief counselling too, and perhaps some mediated communication between you (and your supports) and them to clear the air. All the best xo