I have a 11yr old son who is diagnosed with AD/HD and the lesser know ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) which means he will defy and oppose anything and everything that is asked or expected of him. He is also borderline aspergers. Recently all my support services have been dropped, his attitude both at home and at school is getting worse. He answers back, he is abusive, he says we hate him and he hates us, is spiteful when not allowed to do what HE wants to do and other sometimes hurtful things. I am slowly learning not to take things too personally with him as he truly can't always help his behaviour but the things I am struggling with is the judgements from people who see 30 secs into my daily life and assume it is all my fault. I have had other mothers abuse me about how i should not have bred if i wasn't going to raise it right or how my son is going to be nothing but a criminal. You know, troubled child automatically = bad adult. I was wondering if anyone had any experience with children like mine and methods for managing behaviour, as i feel quite alone sometimes, and if anyone has any advice on how to deal with the judgements of others?
I am judged for a chemical imbalance in my child's brain!
I am judged for a chemical imbalance in my child's brain!
Posted in:
Mental Health, Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour, Kids, Aspergers & Autism
4 Replies
I am by no means an expert but I can say firstly who gives a f**k what anyone else says? They dont know you, your life, your struggles or your story. If someone has the audacity to speak into your life like that, then you need to serve them a tongue lashing to back off.
Now that being said: 20 years ago a child like yours was 'misbehaved' and would be given consequences for acting up. However the worlds progressed and we have more knowledge and understanding around these issues....however we are also far quicker to place them either on medication or label them in such a way, and by doing so create a sense of expectations.
I think the first thing with parenting is setting boundaries (which you probably already have) and maintain consistency. He will figure out pretty quickly if he keeps doing the same thing, he will keep getting the same result.
I used to say horrible things to my family too as a kid, I think that's pretty normal. Kids have extremely heightened emotions and lashing out is normal, but dont accept the behaviour. Id also look at his diet (because everything is so processed compared to 20 years ago also) and Id be making sure he exercises daily whether it be a family walk, or a kick of the footy around the park. There is so much emphasis on a balanced diet and exercise to help support mental health disorders and its unbelievable how by nourishing ourselves right makes all the difference.
I'm sorry I dont have any experience to fall back on in regards to your son. I can understand judgemental people but you need to find that switch in your head that allows you to be affected by other peoples opinions and turn it off. It takes practice to block it out but you need to do it so you don't get caught up in it. Good luck; you're not alone. Xx
Hi there. Im sorry i dont have any answers for u but First of all i 100% feel your struggle , i also have a 13 yr boy who is 1 point off the spectrum along witha dd & odd so we have never qualified ,for any help or funding through school, he is and can be the most loving child and so smart in many areas but the listening and understanding of a general tast is a struggle , sometimes i want to pull my hair out but that wont help so with lots of time outs and removal of games ect and alot of explaining ( which he always has an answer for) we plod through 1 day at a time. I do belive it will get easier. xx may the strength be with u
I have 2 young children, both with ADHD. I get judged all the time but I really don't care anymore! Took me a long time to get to that place. I hate how people decide your children don't actually have ADHD and that it's just your bad parenting... I think the problem lies with all of the misinformation about ADHD!! Even Drs are misinformed. It is a neurological disorder and therefore, unfortunately, meds really help to put in place coping strategies. I do know that having a child with ADHD and/or ODD needs different strategies to deal with their behaviour so I wouldn't even bother with 'regular' parenting books or advice. Do you have a psychologist that understands ADHD/ODD to help you look at areas that need help and strategies to achieve? As for the judgmental parents, I usually post stuff to my Facebook about ADHD to educate people and if people want to pass judgement on me then it's their ignorance about the condition and lack of human compassion and kindness.
Omg thank you.... i was going to ask something similar tonight as my pead has asked me to take my son to see a child mental health clinic for all of the same issues..... he has also suggested a possible chemical imbalance or bpd which worries me.
Wish i could hug you to thank you and tell you that you are not alone ... cyber hugs for a strong mum