I need to rant and vent but also looking for advice.
My husband has always, for as long as I have known him, been a bit of a sook, on and off. However the good side of him def outweighs the sooking and I do love him dearly. He had a long term injury that was finally "fixed" at the end of last year with a 12 month recovery window. He is just shy of 6 months in. Im aware he will have flare ups, it is to be expected. He also has depression and anxiety, directly related to his injury which he is being treated for. Ive nursed him through 4 surgeries and 4 years of ongoing injury issues. I am sympathetic when it is warrented.
What drives me insane, and I have told him more times then I can remember, is the almost non stop ailments and complaints about something not beig right about himself. A sniffle is the world flu in the universe and lays him out for weeks. A twinge in the back has him bed ridden and complaining for weeks. I honestly don't know how he has kept his job all these years.
I dread getting ill, because low and behold, as soon as I am well again (sometimes he doesnt even wait that long), he is on his death bed with something wrong with him. I'm not talking coincidence and it happening once or twice, im talking garenteed every single time. I cant even heat the wheat bag for period cramps without him having something wrong with him in return. But if he wants to do somethin, he somehow is temporarily cured.
We've fought about this, we have discussed it in great length, but it never ever stops. If anything it is becoming more frequent as time goes on. I have asked him to bring it up with his psychologist and psychiatrist, which he claims he has, and claims they say it is all apart of his anxiety and depression which goes back to his injury. Tbh, I think he hasnt told them, because there is no way in hell this is just an ok issue. It needs to be discussed and dealt with.
How do I get this childish behaviour to stop? It is so emotionally draining when he drags himself around the house. I notice and so do the kids. I hate feeling angry at him every time he does this, and god knows I try to stay positive and reassure him he will be ok.
Thanks IMs and IDs ?
2 Replies
I would have suggested psychologist/counsellor myself. I'd ask if you can go to an appointment because you have some questions about how to support him better and have some concerns.
It is more than likely apart of his anxiety/depression and I think if you can talk to the psychologist and at least find out if it's on the to do list you'd feel much better.
I wouldn't enable his behaviour :)
My husband has depression and anxiety also and we too share the same arguments. There was rarely a time I got sick that either alongside me or immediately after he too would get sick. I became increasingly angry and stopped being able to care for him when he was "sick". I began to see a psychologist myself after dealing with his mental illness got too much for me. She suggested I talk to him about it. Which I did. I thought that I would need him to confess that he was lying to make myself feel better and I also didn't want to hear that he was lying. He didn't confess he just listened and he heard my concerns and the relief I felt afterwards was enough for me. It is less frequent now. I am finding that me trying to protect his pride and not address these things with him actually does more harm. I need to communicate with him otherwise it pushes him deeper into his mental illness and I self implode with all of the anger. It is definitely hard being the partner of someone with a mental illness. Keep going and you have made the right choice by seeking help.