My husband has a female best friend. She was the "best man" at our very small wedding. But the issue is she constantly messages him sayin. That she's thinking of him and loves him always. And plans of getting drunk with him and going out just the two of them. I have tried to make an active effort with her, but she doesn't even acknowledge that myself or our son exists (how ever she spoils my husbands daughter, spending excessive amounts of money and time on her).on top of this my husband and her flirt via text message and cuddle when together.
I feel that this behaviour and relationship is inappropriate. I don't for a second think that my husband is cheating on me. But I do feel that this is betraying me. Am I wrong in feeling this way? Am I just over reacting? I have spoken to my husband about this and he simply just wants to pretend that there is no issue and refuses to talk to her about it. I feel as though she has feelings for him. And the behaviour by her and between them has driven a wedge between myself and my husband. I want him to confront her about these issues, would this be wrong? Or should I just let it slide?
Husbands inappropriate female best friend
Husbands inappropriate female best friend
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Behaviour
12 Replies
Was it like this before you got married? He needs to let go of her, he is married to you now. You should be the focus of his attention and it shouldn't be something he has to force, it should come naturally. It's ok for them to be friends but they are overstepping the boundaries. I wouldn't confront her, talk to your husband again and seek councelling.
I thinks it inappropriate. How do you make him see that maybe write him a letter explaining exactly how you feel. That way you can explain it all properly without emotion getting in the way. Good luck
You are not over reacting for starters. If someone was cuddling up to my partner, flirting with him, and wanting to just drink with him all the time I would have lost my shit at both of them. I would say something to him first, get him to stop it. If that doesn't work then go to her. I would also be treading very carefully, so text her, because she is already getting in your relationship driving a wedge between you and your husband you never know what her true intentions are. Just nip it in the bud before it gets any worse, not meaning to make you paranoid either because it could just be the way she is but she should also understand where you are coming from.
I think to make him see,video them on your phone so he can see for himself from your eyes how it actually is and also ask him how he would be feeling if the tables were turned.
Has their behavior changed? Were you ok with it before and not now? They are obviously best 'mates' if she was in your wedding party. Is it possible that she is a lesbian? I know a couple of my friends who are VERY close, she tried her hardest to get him and I am sure he would of made many a partner (of hers) jealous, turns out he is gay and they are like 2 girl friends. As for spoiling your husbands daughter and not your son, it doesn't make it right but it could be an age thing or it could be that she spent more time with the little girl when she was younger and has more of a bond. I don't know. If you aren't comfortable though you do need something to change and your husband needs a reality check if he thinks it is ok to ignore your feelings. Perhaps tell him how it is, but explain it as you and "insert male friends name here". Ask him how he would like it if you were always cuddling so and so, or texting and flirting with so and so. Ask him for the respect he deserves.
I would not be comfortable with this at all, however I think you need to contact her & let her know how you feel. Maybe ask ur hubby how he would feel if it was reversed. Good luck ;)
I almost feel you are writing my life. My husband has a 'bestie'. Ok the never write anything too innappropriate, although she ALWAYS texts him in the morning and a few of those texts have been along the linese of 'I Love you lots xx' and for xmas she brought him a gaxaly tab 3!!
I just kept pushing and pushing him to decide or to at least stick up for me as I am his wife and I should come first! He finally did! But at the same time he will apologize straight away for making her feel crappy but never says anything like that to me.
Its hard....Ive tried to make him choose but he wont....keep at him and talk to him about how uncomfortable you feel, and if that doesnt work, go to her and say something....
You are not overreacting! you have every right to feel this way, it is a woman's instinct to protect her family. Unfortunately there are many disgusting women in this world who care only about themselves, and destroying a family is nothing to them. I believe that this female "friend" isn't much if a friend to your husband to behave in this way! She is NOT respecting YOU or his marriage vows, so how can this be a positive friendship for him? Men are blind when it comes to these situations, this woman obviously has feelings for him. You need to speak to this woman and tell her to remember her place; and that is NOT in the arms of YOUR husband. Talk to your husband also, you need to make him understand that if their friendship is hurting you, his wife, and hence his marriage; which relationship is more important to him?
I could have written this post. I also had a woman like this in our lives and she was also in our bridal party as part of the grooms side. Her and my hubby had slept together once, eight years before me met and she would always bring it up and infer there was still something there. This caused a lot of issues in our relationship. I tried yo like her but she was just a troublemaker and I put up with her until after our wedding I found out that she'd told anyone who'd listen that she'd slept with my husband (at the wedding reception). I told my husband then that he had to choose as she was no longer going to be the third person in our relationship. He begrudgingly stopped seeing her and things have been better between us. Strangely though her son went to the same daycare as our daughter even though she lived half an hour away and this past year she moved from where she lived to build a house across the road from the end of our street. Anyway put an end to it, it's not healthy for your relationship.
She needs very clear boundaries and if they are breached she leaves. This happened and still is happening to me. We seperated and our little town saw him and her everywhere. He didn't have a physical affair but it was very inappropriate. I was diagnoised with depression, seeing counsellors & had friends come talk to him to see what everyone else saw. Confront him, I had to decide to be prepared to fight for my kids, property etc and do it on my own before he realised he was going to loose it all for her. She wasn't worth what we had spent nearly a decade building. It helped that his family doesn't like her. She is hanging around like a bad smell but he wants her away as she is acting desperate. I refuse to let her take my kids where she is I am with them. If she comes round im there making it clear to her she isn't wanted or needed. It's survival for me and I can do it I decided. Best decision I made was to show him I could be happy without them and let him see what everyone else saw she is a home wrecking so and so. You may have to play hard ball and ask him if you had a male bestie would he allow the same behaviour? Good for the gander good for the goose.
I have been in a very similar situation with my husband and a female friend of his from his work. I didn't mind at first but when he stopped being open about his plans and stopped inviting me to go along I stood up to him. First, I sent him texts when he was out asking him to please keep his distance from her. He told me he showed her the texts and they had a laugh about it. I stood up again and said no more outings where she would be there. He refused. She was also married and they planned to go watch her husband play in his band one night. I rang her up and said I wasn't comfortable with the arrangement and that if she picked him up it could be the end of my marriage. Instead of backing off and apologising, she got her back up and protested and got offended. But she didn't come to my house ever again. Hubs was furious. Stayed away for three days. Went to her house and apologised to her but spared little thought for my feelings. He then decided he wanted to stay married more than he wanted to be single. We got counselling once or twice and while things haven't been a bed of roses over our 15 years of marriage, I think has learned to take notice of and respect my feelings no matter how unjustified they may or may not be. It was a hard lesson to learn and I cannot say that things will go the same way for you as they did for me. Should you choose to stand up, be prepared for it to go either way. If you choose to let it go, be prepared to truly let it go and I mean REALLY let it go and never worry about what he is doing with her ever again. Good luck, babe!
Yep, I can see why that would make you very angry. My husband had a friend who he admits there was spark with before we got together and probably for the first half of our relationship. I was aware of her and aware from what my husband said that I might be met with jealousy. Instead of stopping my husband from being her friend or going head to head with her and making things awkward for my husband, I befriended her myself, and became closer friends with her than my husband was.
On the exact flip side, my best friend is a guy. He and I have never been an item and never will be. We openly say we love each other and miss each other, hug, play fight and flirt. There has always been a spark between us and I daresay if we ever got together the sex would be amazing. The reason we have never gotten together is because I would never jeopardise what I already have and even if I was a free agent, I know for a fact we would never work out and I'd rather stay friends. By the way, he made friends with my husband instead of trying to get me to break up with him and he was best man for both of us (I had no bridesmaids) at my wedding.
I think you need to make friends with this woman. She is obviously important to your husband. Maybe if you get to know her better you can either learn to trust nothing beyond friendship will ever go on and you will become more comfortable with the obvious flirting, or you can have a non confrontational chat with her about why you don't like it. I think if you go head to head she might just ramp up the competition with you for your husband's attention. It's childish but I wouldn't be run off by my friend's partner either although I would do just about anything to make my friends happy.