Hubby and I have been together for nearly a decade and we have kids and one on the way.
Lately he has been spending more time with a certain person and has started to smoke weed.
He smokes to start with so I initially didn't notice but then he started closing doors when outside, he has bloodshot eyes and behaves strangely afterwards and after one of the kids getting his phone and me taking it away I saw messages about how he doesn't have any left and how he's 'so wasted'.
He has always struggled since we have had children with stress about money, working, kids behaviour and time for us. He has most definitely had depression for a number of years but it is untreated.
I feel stuck....he has been calmer with the kids since I have noticed but it has affected other things such as his memory, appetite and his being unable to maintain an erection which is upsetting for me.
I don't know how to bring it up and discuss it with him. Especially knowing I will probably get a response like it was only a couple of times or you're making a big deal out of it etc.
I don't want him to do it. I would rather he speak to a professional (or me) about issues but he won't. He has had a few minor offences in the past few years but if any offences come of this issue then he will lose his job and we will have NO income.
There are a number of thins I want to talk to him about including the drugs, swearing, how we will cope with the next baby etc but I don't want to overwhelm him either. He is a great father but struggles greatly and I can't seem to help him in any way other than to do it myself and I'm exhausted.
I usually write a letter so he can read, digest, get angry/upset etc then come home and we can talk about it but I feel like this will just get brushed aside because 'it's not a big deal'.
Sorry for the ramble I know what the heck to do anymore.
Husband secretly smoking weed
Husband secretly smoking weed
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Men's Business, Health & Wellbeing
4 Replies
Which state are you in? It I very hard if they are not willing but you need the information fast if you are ever able to bring him around.....because you won't have long to act on it.
Speak to him about going to the doctor for counselling and a care plan it may be a good place to start. For help with the stress of a growing family and investigate the erection issues ;) because of course you want to be able to have fun and *gasp* it could be his heart.
Qld....he's out tonight and I 'discovered' that he is going to pay for more. We had a great afternoon and 'session' with him being sober.
So angry with him atm. I think I'm going to wait until he does it again and confront him. I swear he thinks I'm stupid.
If roles were reversed he would kick my butt!!
I would like to add, in response to fb replies, that he gets a lot of down time, many times they are things that I plan for him because I can see he needs it and he procrastinates to the point of not going. I am not a controlling partner and I never have been, if anything it is the other way around.
He has a very addictive personality and gaming and alcohol have been major issues in the past also.
After confronting him about it which resulted in excessive drinking and smoking weed he got verbally and emotionally abusive and degrading to the point where I was ready to pack up and leave but he happened to pass out before I did so I stayed to make sure he was ok.
He has depression but refuses to speak to anyone even me despite my regular reassurances that I will support him.
We had another talk when he was sober and although he still carried on as though I was causing drama (which I'm not trying to do) he did seem to listen to me 4 days on though and he is making 'jokes' about getting high and that he has enough to make his night enjoyable.
I am trying not to let him see me upset because he seems to be enjoying the fight at the moment.
For those who say leave him be....no. For this I will not. The only thing I have ever asked him to stop doing because it does make him quite aggressive and it affects his ability to function 'normally' for days and he won't. he refuses even though I have given up numerous hobbies because it doesn't suit him.
First of all marijuarna doesnt cause lack of erection.. secondly, 70% of the population smokes weed. I think you need to get over it.