My husband and I have two beautiful children, one girl, one boy. We argued for a while about having a third child and he finally, after a lot of hesitation, said yes. I am now pregnant with no3 but unfortunately it has now been nothing but fighting. He's pretty much told me to have a termination and says it was all my idea and he never wanted the baby. I don't want to terminate but I don't want to live like this. He is already hating me and he may end up resenting the baby too?? I don't know what to do?? Please help!
8 Replies
Counselling? Its amazing what you can get resolved in only a session or a few. I can't see you being happy getting a termination on an ultimatum. It's a shitty thing to give an ultimatum about, noones going to come out of this situation winning. I think you need to seek a counselor and talk it through together as adults. If he can't do that then you need to make your decision for yoUrself and be prepared that he may not be in the picture.
Consider this ; what if you get a termination and he still hates you, acts cold or uncaring towards you and ends your relationship?
What if you terminate and you don't want to, knowing he gave you no choice or respect to discuss it, can you imagine your relationship going along happily after that?
What if you terminate and he ' rewards ' you with kindness and caring, until next time he's unhappy. What If you breAk up in a years time anyway, for any reason, would you regret making this decision to try to keep him?
Agreed! If you get a termination because of him you will resent him and you will hold it against him... I have been there... We were young we had already had one abortion we had sex once and fell again... No one told us you were more likely to fall after a d&c... I didn't want to go through it again but he didn't want to be a father... At the time I could barely afford to look after myself let alone bring a child into this world but that didn't change the fact I couldn't bring myself to go through the emotional trauma of an abortion... I ended up getting one and I cheated on him for 2 months after this... I resented him so much! So please next time think about the big picture before you coerce him into doing something he doesn't want to do...
I'd head to counselling. I think you both have a lot of stuff to work out.
Definately counselling before making any rash decisions... You both need to work through these feelings and come to an agreement together. It is really hard when you are both on different pages with such an important and emotionally charged topic. Good luck...
Hi,
I fell pregnant with our 3rd only 24days after having my iud taken out so was a very unplanned pregnancy. I don't agree on abortion so that wasn't a option for me but my partner didn't want the baby but accepted it, well I thought he did until I was 3 weeks off having the baby and he didn't come home from the pub I found him at the local and dragged him home and out came the true colours. I thought that was the end but the day our boy was born changed our lives and he has been the best thing for our relationship and we wouldn't give him back for the world. He will change you have to give him a chance to adapt to it
Considering the fact you coerced him to agree how could you not expect him to eventually react this way? He didn't originally want another child... Don't get an abortion you will regret it and it will probably be the end of your marriage... Go to counselling... And next time you want something and he doesn't don't be so selfish to keep pushing the fact until you get your own way... That's not fair on anyone...
It doesn't matter how much you coerced him into it, if he really didn't want another baby then he should have kept saying no. It's not fair on you that he said yes then treats you like shit for getting pregnant. I'm sure that when the baby comes he will love it just as much as your other two kids and if he doesn't than he probably isn't worth it. Don't terminate it. You will regret it for the rest of your life and you will never get another chance to have another baby
And if someone nagged and nagged and nagged you for something and did NOT let up even when you've said "No" a hundred times, would you not just turn around and say ok then to shut them up? I'm not saying that's how it happened. I wasn't there. But I've seen that happen a few times now when a female has wanted a baby so badly and the male didn't but gave in because they were sick and tired of hearing about it.
My point is its easy for you to say 'If he really didn't want another baby then he should have kept saying no', but really she shouldn't have pushed and pushed for it.