Ok, so I have the majority care of DD (9) her father used to have her every second weekend but since finding out he is using hard drugs again visits have stopped. There's no anger her father understands my reasons. My problem is he would like to tell our 9yr old DD about his drug addiction but I feel she is too young. I understand he is trying to be upfront and honest but I'm not sure she is old enough to comprehend the severity of addiction. She is a very bright girl and she knows something is going on and she wants to know why her Dad is the way he is. Having had a drug addicted parent I feel maybe I could be basing how she might handle it on how it effected me, as I took it quite bad, finding out that the drug meant so much more than anything even me...So basically I am asking am I right to wait until she is a bit older to explain it or should I let him tell her? I know either way it wont be an easy thing to hear...
Thanks in advance sisters
How young is too young to be informed of parental drug addiction?
How young is too young to be informed of parental drug addiction?
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Mental Health, Parenthood Guilt, Education
4 Replies
Straight up, I've never had any experince with this kind of thing, the only thing I can relate to is having a 9 year old.
But, I actually believe she's a great age to be talking to her about it, in a very age appropriate way of course. I don't think it would matter when you told her, she will always have the feelings of 'why the drugs over me', if that makes sense, the only thing is, if you wait until she's 12 or 13 to talk to her about it, she may have some resentment towards you as well? You say she is bright, I would suggest she knows there's something not right with Dad, so now would be the time to establish an open and honest dialouge with her about what's going on. If you start palming her queries off, or not addressing them honestly, it could damage the relationship with you and her, and if she's not going to have her father in her life entering her teenage years, it's integeral that you form a tight bond with her now, where she feels she can come to you and get an honest answer about things that are concerning her.
I really hope that makes sense. And good luck!
I would tell your daughter together. I think it is great that the father wants to talk to her. I also recently told my daughter who is 9 about her father's drug problem. I have always wanted to shield them from it. My daughter was incredibly grateful that I told her. She thanked me. She told me that now she understands and it has helped her a lot.
Its not about age its about how much and how you discuss it with them.
They are actually better off openly discussing it and having an understanding of what is going on rather than being left to guess what is going on. A childs imagination can always produce so much worse
Wow, What an amazing person your ex is that even though he is drug addicted he is till putting your daughter first and what is best for her. I'm studying law and am married to a lawyer and I work in his practice. I've see n the worst of the worst and it is not pretty. I've served court documents to the warden for a maximum security prison because of similar issues. Let your ex tell her and then you explain to her that it wasn't a choice for him between her or drugs because drugs are addictive and he now has an illness that he is aware of and wants to explain to her and say goodbye. If you can get an agreement drawn up now that he gives you sole parental rights.