Hi Imperfect Mums
I guess I'm just wondering how other mums deal with toxic judgemental friends
A couple of mothers in my mothers group have become so bitchy one of which I have known for many years and up until recently I have seen a whole other side to her that I didn't even know existed. The other well I have only known since our mothers group and I have always known she had a bitchy side to her after witnessing time and time again her putting people down.
These two spend a lot of time together bitching and judging every one else. Because our children are the same ages in the same town I often run into them at things like playgroup, dancing lessons etc (small town doesn't offer alternate days and I don't want my children missing out) I feel so uncomfortable by them that it upsets me and starts to make me think I'm doing it all wrong (mothering) our children are even analyzed and compared. I have tried to remove myself from these toxic people as much as possible because they really do get me down and miserable but I'm still running into them because of our children and next year I will have school drop offs 5 days a week which I am dreading.
I think I care too much and seek acceptance too much I need to know how to let it all go. So I can be the best mum I can be for my children.
Thanks
How to not let toxic judgemental friends get me down
How to not let toxic judgemental friends get me down
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Behaviour
6 Replies
I learned a long time ago that toxic judgemental people aren't friends.
Yes. And you can hang on letting them give you a headache for years and they'll cut you if you cross them once. It's not worth it! Say hi and smile and move on. Yep, read a book, get on the phone and walk away, chase a child, just don't give them your time. They're going To bitch regardless but at lest you save yourself the headache.
Tbh I wonder how such women function. They must be incredibly insecure and socially isolated. They also seem to be entirely oblivious to their behaviour and actually consider it normal.
Unlike any person with a handicap or dysfunction, these women in the worst way inspire pity in me. I make sure I keep myself safe from flailing limbs, screaming mouths and prying eyes and have as little to do with them as possible even if it means rudely reading a book when they are around. And tell them nothing, they won't respect it or value it.
There are two in our church women's group. No one speaks about anything personal while they are there its just make up and craft. Once they leave we catch up.
Once we cut off the information flow it came back to me that apparently they heard on the police scanner that I was in hiding and on the run.
Nothing will stop them just keep the real you safe from their delusions.
This is how. You look for empathetic reasons as to why these ladies may act the way they do. Do they not have strong connections with their mothers? Do they even have mothers? Do they not have sisters? Or do they have sisters who showed them to behave this way? Do you feel they may be very insecure within themselves (most probable) and tearing others down is a morbid way to make themselves feel better. Find a place of compassion to 'judge' them from. I guarantee this works. You'll start to pity them, instead of taking on board their negativity. When I find someone is a jerk to me, I always look at why they behave this way. Hurt people, hurt people. It's 100% true. Truly secure, together people who've grown up in loving homes and have high self esteem do not behave this way. They must be 'hurt people'. Feel sorry for them and don't take it on board.
You start to see it for what it is. Boredom! They are bored, have nothing interesting in there lives so have to sit there and analyse everything.
Minimise time talking to them, where ear phones in your ears, even if you aren't listening to music, or take a book to read, keep yourself busy with your kids, and other people.
Most of all work on your self confidence.
I have never thought of it as boredom. Tbh I have always been amazed at how anyone could be bored. I always find something to keep me occupied even if it is politics, advocacy, gaming, reading, craft or just plain life.
Tbh I see it as about the least attractive thing I consider in a person and I hate myself every time I think it but it's less to do with boredom and more to do with small minds. Occupied by petty things.
But that is also partly because it isn't uncommon to cop backlash when they realise what I am interested in and how much I do. They could be doing these things too if they weren't doing whatever is occupying them.
Its not like I haven't done my stint as a single mum raising kids working three jobs and studying. We have all dealt with our catastrophes in life. My plate was fully loaded I know I didn't skimp there.
I dont wear make up or the latest fashion out of preference. My hair is brushed never styled. I'm not competing. I left the race before it started