Hi ladies I'm currently crying my eyes out trying to figure this out.
Please only helpful comments.
Ok so I'll give some background info first off. My daughter is 4 and the person she calls dad isn't her biological father but has been her dad since she was 4 months old. He has always said she was his and had loved her like that. While we were together his two kids and mine were one big family but after 3 years I had had enough. Long story really but we split and I moved out. He got back with his ex a few days later and a couple months after that they split again (drugs and such) the cops were involved and there was a VRO on him so she moved 2 hours away. He continued to see my daughter and have her overnight and whenever he could we remained friends and I took her over every few days for a few hours at a time (he is a good guy and I trust him with her) His other kids went to live with their mother... He has always said he would never leave the town we live in because he could never leave her. We had a fight a few days ago and I haven't talked to him since about the fact that he wanted me back and I said no. I have always felt guilty for leaving because of the kids but I couldn't stay any longer.
Now he is talking to his ex again and leaving in a few weeks (two hours drive away) to where she lives. He hasn't told me but informed his boss and he told me. What do I do? How do I tell my only daughter that her dad is leaving. He hasn't even bothered to tell her himsef. I don't care that he is leaving I just feel really bad for my daughter as my dad left when I was her age. They have a really good relationship and I am heart broken.
Thank you.
4 Replies
Firstly I'm not sure why you think he is a really good guy? He sounds like he has a lot of 'issues'.
Secondly I'm not sure by what you say that he has abandoned your daughter. You know he is moving away (although given the days of our lives description) I'm not sure it's going to be permanent.
Unless he has told you he never wants to see your daughter again I'd assume he still wants some relationship.
For now I'd say he has moved away. Just say it as simply as that. If she wants more detail give it. Don't use words like abandoned, etc as that will do more harm than good. If she wants to know when she can see him just say 'I don't know'.
When you know more about what is going on then you can decide what way to approach this.
I know he is a good guy because after 3 years you get to know a person. He does have issues but kids always came first. And I know he is moving, he also hasnt made contact with us/her in almost a week and has chosen to leave without telling us and told his boss not to tell anyone so I'm assuming he didn't want us to know but thank you when she asks I'll tell her lightly.
You want your daughter to have a father but you got to realise that he is not her father. It sounds like you have told your daughter a lie that you are trying to hide. You need to tell your daughter the truth and let this person go and be with his own kids and ex wife because that is what he keeps choosing and you have to realise this. What you are doing is not right. Let him go and own up to your lie.
Ok firstly fuck you.
You don't know the circumstances of our relationship and what we choose to tell our daughter. Don't know why I posted on here at all when there's people like you around.