I dont know where to start :(
its a long one..but I have no one to turn to.
My happy little life has been turned upside down.
In the past week I have quit my job, after months of being bullied and intimidated and management not handling it.
I finally reached my limit and lost my shit at the person and management, told them to stick it and walked out. I had been there for 3 years. Because I resigned, I cannot access any centrelink for 2 months.
I have 3 children, 2 with special needs and my eldest suffers ptsd from a horrible past with his drug addicted father I also suffer from it as well as panic attacks and terrible anxiety.
Since I left my job, my world has fallen to pieces.
I have no supports, rent to pay (they have already said I cannot get more than 14 days behind or notice will be issued) speech therapy, psychologists and tutors to pay weekly for my 2 youngest not to mention food to buy, petrol etc.
I have no one to ask for help. My local organisation that helps families is the employer I walked out on so I cant go there.
My ex's worker rang me the other day and let me know that he is very unwell (all self inflicted due to drugs) and its only matter of time until he passes away.
I haven't slept. I am constantly crying and so stressed that I cannot sit still. I cant focus, or put anything in any kind of order, my house looks like a tip, my poor kids dont know what the hell is going on. It has taken years to get us to where we were and its all gone to shit.
I just dont know what to do.
I have interviews lined up over the next fortnight but it will still be a while before pay comes in.
Im scared too ask my employer for a reference due to the circumstances I left under. Months and months of crap and I just blew my top!
Ive had a really shit adult life with dv and drug abuse from my ex. We separated 6 years ago and I was just starting to get ahead in the last 2 years.
I have gone from exhausted but happy to rock bottom in 10 days.
Im am worried about everything! Not having money for shopping, petrol, all my bills are due, all my direct debits will bounce, my sons camp payment is due and I cant pay for their therapies which are so so important. All the while trying to work out the situation with my ex and how i am going to address it with the kids.
I dont have a credit card or savings nor can I access any loans etc for another year after my credit being destroyed thanks to my ex.i have spent years paying off debts incurred thanks to him and his drugs and gambling debts. I came from such a dark place and i feel myself slipping back there. I feel like dropping the kids off at dhs and running away and never coming back. I am so run down and haven't felt so helpless in years and I am just not dealing with it. Cannot stop the tears and anxiety. I am already on anti depressants which worked well up til now.
I cant tell my family. I am already the black sheep and it would give them more ammunition.
I know this is all.over the place but im just typing as i think.
The thought of having to tell my boys their dad is dead when it happens, the aftermath and affect it will have is going to be catastrophic.
Im just in a huge hole and dont know how to begin to dig myself out.
I have enough money to get buy til about Thursday. After that I have no idea what we will do :( my poor boys already have such burdens placed on them and I feel like a horrible failure :-(
I just want it all to end :(
I feel so guilty that I cannot pay for their immediate needs. I just went to check on them before trying to get some sleep and kissed them goodnight and burst into tears again. The guilt and worry is so overwhelming. I keep having conversations with them in my head like sorry son u cant go to camp anymore, and my little one cant do swimming lessons and will have to stay back.at school while everyone else goes.... sorry kids no therapies, no petrol and all of these thoughts are debilitating me. They have already dealt with such crap and I am the rock. They cannot see me fall apart or know the problems that are beginning to unravel.
I just dont have the strength to deal with everything that has to be done and I dont know where to start.
Im just heartbroken that once again I have become train wreck . A complete and utter fucking failure.
5 Replies
Tomorrow morning ring centrelink and tell them you want to make an appointment with a social worker. Explain your circumstances as THEY DO make exceptions to payment schedules but you have to explain what is going on. You may actually find you qualify to be on a payment like a carers pension if you have more than one child with a disability. So check out your options very carefully.
Make a long appointment with your GP as you need to tell him how you are feeling and you will need support to get through this.
Ring your local housing authority. In SA we have a scheme that will pay rent if you are certain number of weeks behind. You may have something similar.
Any bills that come in like electricity, gas, water etc phone the company and ask to defer payment. They will work with you if you contact them. Cancel your direct debits for now. Talk to your kids therapy service providers they also may let you defer payment for now. If you don't say anything people can't help you.
its going to be ok mumma. i get where you are coming from and yes its a terrible feeling when you dont know where the food will come from or how rent will get paid.
i know its hard, but you will need to talk to people,
Make an appointment with a GP, tell them whats going on and how you are feeling, they can put you in touch with organisations that can help (other than your old workplace)
Is there other places where you live besides your ex place of work than offer help? like salvos, vinnies, churches, red door? its super hard but go to these places (if there are some nearby) and ask for help, its worth it.
See your sons school, and tell them about what has happened and ask about deferring the camp payments. at my kids school they never stop a child from attending school camps, even if the parent only pays off a few dollars a week. offer to pay the balance (even if its after the camp) once you have employment again
swimming lessons may have to stop temporarily, but thats ok. unless they can also offer some credit for you to pay back when you are back on your feet.
ring all the place your bills come from, electricity etc, its better o be honest with them than just not paying the bills, and you can work out some kind of payment plan
definitely see centrelink, they may be able to help out with emergency payments should you need it.
this will sound scary, but look around your house, your wardrobe, shoes etc. is there anything you can sell for some quick cash? dvds that your kids no longer watch, anything to help get some cash to pay for petrol, and some food.
i know its all so overwhelming but you CAN do this, and its just temporary until you find work again.
Also dont stress about your ex right now, you have enough on your plate without worrying about things that havent happened yet. deal with that as it comes.
Goodluck and keep us posted as to how you go
I have been through a similar situation with bullying at work and i was advised by the union that i had a case for constructive dismissal. It is just like unfair dismissal however it is where you have been forced to resign due to the ongoing situation and bullying. I ended up threatening legal action and my workplace settled with a payout of 3 months wages. It may seem dificult but you can get through this. As for centrelink you have to wait to apply for newstart/dole however if your youngest is below 8 you should be able to apply for a single parenting payment and you dont have to wait to apply for that. Also contact them asap to change your taxable income estimate so that your ftb may increase. See a financial counselor asap they can contact all your bill companies and direct debit companies to discuss your situation and help you through
You've made it this far beautiful mumma! If you can make it this far you can conquer anything! A single mother raising two autistic children without relying on Centrelink and having a job through all of this, I'm sorry but are you a freaking superstar? You are an inspiration... X
Hun where do you live? I really would like to help. I don't have a lot of money to offer but I'm pretty sure I could help in some way if you are in the cairns/Innisfail area. Please don't wait till its to late and you feel like you have no options left. People do crazy things when backed into a corner. I have been there. Many many many people have. There are things that can be done. You deserve to have someone help you. There are people willing to help. All you have to do is let them. Never ever think you are a failure! God, shit just happens. And more often then not, it's too really good people. If you are not in my area I'm sure we could find someone who is in your area and able to help in some way. I'm sure there is more than a few people on here who will be willing to give a hand. Please know you are not alone! Biggest hugs to you right now. And if you are in my area I would be more than willing to help you any way I can! And if I can't, I will find people who can! Xxx