Hi IMs, I just am a little unsure how to deal. Sorry this is going to be long.
My 16 year old daughter just spent a week with her father and Aunty, they took it upon themselves to put her on a diet (she is only 76kg, and tall for her age, she is in the perfect range) the diet as far as I see it has taught her 2 things, 1 it is Ok to starve herself, and 2 that she is fat.
She was allowed to have 2 apples a day, water and half the size of her palm in beef or chicken, and 6 pieces of cucumber and that is all. She rang me in tears begging to come home as she is so hungry. So I picked her up Monday, and she is so emotionally damaged, she also has a bleeding disorder, she is so tired, and exhausted. And her self-esteem that was pretty good when she left, is now so low all she does is cry. How do I help bring my baby girl back up. I am so mad and peeved at what has happened. She no longer wants anything to do with her father which I am allowing now as she is 17 this year and I feel it is her choice to make. Am I wrong in this? Every time she goes to her father's she comes home and something is wrong, last year she came home with massive pains in her stomach and crying cos it hurt so bad and her father told her to suck it up its just period pain, when I got her home she was rushed to hospital where her appendix burst on the table. She has had both her big toes butcherd cos she had ingrown toenails which her and I were taking care of but he got his Dr to surgically remove, and now she has nothing but dramas, he constantly runs her down and it is just not fair on her. She reads a lot and he tells her she is selfish for doing so. How do I help my daughter through this?
how do I help my teen?
how do I help my teen?
Posted in:
Teenagers, Tips and Advice
5 Replies
Support her in her decision not to go to her fathers. She is plenty old enough to decide and the courts would back you and her up in that decision. Also take her to a nutritionist/ dietician they can help you undo the damage her father has done by giving her the facts on nutrition and healthy eating.
Do lots of building up her self esteem. Telling her what's great about her. As she is almost 17 ask her if she feels shed like to talk to a counsellor or if she ever wants to talk to anyone you would support her in whatever she decides. Lots of unconditional love.
As a dietitian I can safely tell you that diet is no where nearly nutritionally adequate for a growing teenager and a perfect way to prompt an eating disorder! Tell her dad to talk to any accredited practising dietitian before deciding what she should be eating. That's terrible!
Without trying to be rude, a teenager would have to be reeeeally tall for 76kg to be healthy.. Maybe she mentioned something to her father about feeling down about her weight and he was just trying to help her? Personally I would be encouraging her to stay in contact and visit her father. It is her dad after all.. As for the ingrown toe nail, that is hardly his fault, anyone could have missed that, especially a man! Ignoring her pain an telling her to "suck it up" when her appendix was on the verge of bursting is a bit extreme though I do agree! At the end of the day at 17 it really is her choice whether or not she wants to see him or not, she is a young adult, I just personally wouldn't encourage it. Good luck!
You only need to be 171cm to have a healthy bmi for 76kg. I was that by the age of 14 and I am not reeeeally tall.
How do you help your daughter. Tell her its ok if she doesn't want to go there. Sounds like he is an ass. Just period pain my ass. Unfortunately some people get period pain so bad that they curl up in pain for 24 hours. Your ex is lucky he doesn't experience period pain. The best thing you can do for your daughter is support her in her decision. she is defiantly old enough. why force her? let your ex sit back and think what he has done wrong to make your daughter feel like this.