My daughter is 3 and a half and has been picked on by my neice who is nearly 4 pretty much since she was born. For the past couple of years now my neice has been hitting my daughter and getting quite aggressive and violent in her attacks. My sister in law is in to attachment parenting and won't give consequences, time outs, smacks etc. She'll tell her daughter not to hit and that's the end of the discussion only for her to go and hit my daughter again and again. My daughter obbiously gets very upset about this and i'm worried about her self confidence and ability to stand up for herself. She never ever hits back. Should i teach her to hit back in the hope of teaching my neice a lesson or should i teach her to stand up for herself in another way or just leave it alone? I have been extremely tempted to smack my neice myself especially when she hit my daughter across the head with a metal bar but i realise that's probably not the best way to go. Please help!
7 Replies
This is going to be harsh & I'm not at all telling you what to do. I'm telling you what I would do. I wouldn't just leave it at all. That's your daughter and your sister in law is letting your niece think this is acceptable behavior by kot disciplining. That little girl is going to grow up thinking it's okay to hurt others & one day somebody isn't going to sit there & take it. Your poor daughter is going to grow up with confidence issues which come with being bullied. No form of bullying is ever acceptable. I would remove myself and my daughter from their lives as much as possible. Obviously your partner knows how you feel? Maybe tell him it has to stop & if he doesn't say something to his sister, then you will, because this isn't okay. Good luck IM, x
My son is in the same boat. I yell at my nephew. I teach my son to walk away or say no don't do that. Never taught him to hit back cus to me I think if they do then they'll think it's ok to do it.
I'm at the point I can't go see them because I'm worried he'll get hurt.
You could talk to your sister and explain you are not happy about it (she should already know that if she's any sort mum) unfortunately you can't tell her to raise her child but you can raise you concerns for both kids.
Sorry if I'm not much help.
Original poster here: I would dearly love to avoid my niece and sister in law but unfortunately this would mean sacrificing the relationship my husband has with his brother. Family functions aren't easily avoided either and the weirdest thing is my daughter actually wants to spend time with this kid. When I won't take her to see her cousin when she asks I think I'm protecting her but she thinks she's being punished and not getting what she wants even though I explain my stance. Very tricky situation. Hubby knows how I feel and he feels the same 100% except still wants to hang out with his brother.
How do I tell my sister in law that her kid is a bitch without using those words? lol
Has your hubby spoken to his brother?
Original poster: hubby hasn't and probably won't speak to his brother. His brother gets next to no say in how his kids are raised so it wouldn't make much difference anyway
My daughter 6 was getting bullied at school last yr. after talking to my daughter saying don't go near that person ect ect (kinda hard when their in the same class) I told her when this boy was nasty and hurt her say very very loudly ouch that hurts. So the teacher would hear and hopefully sort it out. He bulling the. Stopped within 2 weeks. Perhaps teach ur little one to yell ouch that hurts when her cousin is hurting her A. To bring it to attention of u and ur sister in law and B. Make the cousin a wear it hurts. Also if it was my kid and my niece or nephew I would be telling them off. Perhaps if it happens at ur house u can say my house my rules and give ur niece the time out she needs
May I ask how this ended up between your daughter and neice? Did anything work to make it better? The situation is almost exactly like what is happening with my daughter and her cousin of the same age. My daughter is becoming more and more timid (yet, is somehow obsessed with being with her cousin) while my neice is becoming more aggressive. My sister gives almost nothing in terms of discipline. The attacks actually lead me to remove my family from her home tonight all the while my daughter screaming she wanted to remain and play despite her being hit and pushed repeatedly. I am so worries she's growing up to think this ok. I have tried to talk to her repeatedly to say no, to stand up for herself, to walk away, to hit back if she has to but she's just too scared now. I am on the verge of removing my daughter from all interaction with her cousin including my sister because I do to know what else to do at this point.