Hi everyone. I need some advice because I'm struggling big time and I'm stuck in the middle and don't know how to fix it this time. It's a long story, so I'm sorry.
My 15 year old (step child) has been bullied at school for the last 2 years. I've only been in the picture less then a year, but have already tried dealing with the school as my partner has put me down as the child's parent B. Long story short the school has done nothing at all to protect the child. Then one day I get a phone call from the school to collect the child as this bull had hit her around the head more the 10 times.
I did what any parent would do and dropped everything and ran to the school. Spoke to the school and told them the police would be involved.
The other child got suspended for 5 days, and then without even being told was allowed back at school. My child walked out of school as this child started straight away. Now my child will not go to school as the child now stuffers anxiety and panic attacks.
I take her to her counselling appointments so I'm trying to do the right thing and get the help.
I'm home with my child every single day, trying my hardest to help and support the child.
My issues is everyone is trying to push the child back into school, I know the child needs to be in school and I'm looking into home school for the child.
Last night things went bad and the child felt like no one was listening and just picking on them. The child broke down in front of Dad and said I feel like I only have 1 person in my corner, meaning me. The child even admitted that the Mum had given up on the child.
I broke down and cried hearing that come from my child's mouth. So I finally calmed the child and then jumped into bed and my partner just yelled at me then rolled over and fell asleep.
Then today I woke up and he said sorry and I was sitting there crying telling him how I don't know how to fix this and that its always me trying to fix everyone in this house.
The child and father don't have the best relationship but she is here trying to fix the relationship. The father wants to fix it as well but he doesn't have a clue how to either. I've told them both to go to counselling and they went once then all hell broke out.
It just breaks my heart seeing my child like this and I will do anything to help the child and get back in school but it just feels like the child has come 10 steps forward and 100 steps back.
I'm just so angry as well that this has happened to the child because the child is amazing and a handful, but what teenager isn't?
Any advice would be amazing and thank you
How do I fix this?
How do I fix this?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Education, Teenagers, Tips and Advice
4 Replies
Firstly, good job on your behalf. Im glad the child has you in their corner. Clearly the school doesnt seem to be taking bullying or assault seriously. I would put it in writing to them and the education department expressing your dissatisfaction with their response to date and the impact it has had on the child and your family. I would also request a meeting with the principle to discuss what steps the school will be taking to ensure your childs safety from here on in. After this meeting, I would again follow up in writing so the outcome is in writing.
If you do not get the answers you are wanting/needing for the child to safely attend school, I would withdraw the child from the school immediately and either home school or enrol them in another school for a fresh start.
We have been through this same story and these are the steps we took. Once things are in writing, the school tends to take things more seriously. Best of luck.
Kelly here from the IM team and I've just scheduled your question.
I'm not sure on how to help - so hopefully some of the other mums will when it is on facebook
But I DID want to write and say WOW - how amazing you are for taking this child under your wing and loving them SO much. I had tears reading your post and SO thankful this child has someone to hear her voice. You are a-maz-ing!!
Big hugs - and I hope we can help you to help her xKelly
Thank you both so much. My step child and I are super close and we have been since the first day we meet. I would do anything for this child and be her voice because even I feel like everyone has given up.
We have an appointment with the school tomorrow so we are going to sit down and write out what the child wants to say. I'm just struggling because I don't know how to help and I'm also trying to look after our other 4 child in our home.
It's hard because my partner works 12 hour shifts and he is trying to do his best.
When I was in high school I was bullied. So bad to the point I was chaperoned to and from school. Left class before everyone else at break times and had to sit in the school councillors office then go to class after everyone else just so I wouldn't be alone when the bullies weren't in class. Lunch times were either in the councillors office alone or walking to my sisters house that was close to school.
You are definitely doing the right thing, I would have given anything for my mum to have helped but she was so engrossed in her new marriage that she kind of forgot me.
Unfortunately after my step dad tried to shove his tongue down my throat and I told my mum she called me a lying little b@$*h and kicked me out at 15. So I was left to fend for myself and to this day I suffer from anxiety and severe panic attacks.
Your child will get through this. Even though I suffer from anxiety I have made a life for myself and am now doing better than the bullies in life.
Stick by her, provide distractions, get really stuck into things she enjoys.
I felt like it was my fault that I was being bullied and thought there was something wrong with me.
You are an amazing step mama and any girl would be lucky to have you in their life.
Keep on keeping on because there are only a few years left of school for her. If you can try a new school or home schooling. I didn't have those options which is why I left school which I wish I never did.
All the best xxx