I have three beautiful children and I love them with all that I am. I'm a stay at home mum and while I feel it has its struggles, it's not too bad. However, I have no desire to spend time with my children. As soon as we're home from school or when my partner is home, all I can think about is being away from them. I find no
Joy in quality time with them and cringe at the idea of taking them out, doing family oriented activities or really doing anything with them in general. My partner, who is their dad, just loves this time with them and I feel horrible for the way I feel. i know it sounds selfish and horrible, and trust me I beat myself up for it all the time. How do I change?
How do I enjoy my kids?
How do I enjoy my kids?
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt
3 Replies
I think it takes work for some people, even me :) I found different ages of my son easier than others. Sometimes you just have to fake it until yob make it. It's also great if you get them involved in the things you love to do so it becomes a shared interest.
Being a stay at home mum isn't easy. I have found you don't appreciate them and the time with them as much as if you get a break from them. Maybe a part time job or something to get you a little mummy time :) we all need it!
I used to be this way, then I was diagnosed with OCD and anxiety. I used to spend a lot of time reading and on the computer and doing the bare minimum with the kids. I couldn't wait for hubby to get home so he could "deal with them" I loved when they were at school as I had me time. My kids now are 10, 8 and 7.
I work 3 or 4 days a week, school hours and am now on medication. I now look forward to time with my kids. I set aside 15mins each evening with each child for one on one time and I am finding I have missed a lot of things about them.
I am a routine person so I have written a routine and the kids follow it, this allows me my control still but the kids also have responsibilities and know what I expect of them. This makes it easier for me to relax and actually enjoy my kids.
Maybe start with asking them to help you with something you like? Or just 10 minutes each night at bed time you read them a book.
Ask your child to cut the easy vegis at dinner time, or you hand them the dishes to put away after you have washed them.
For me this was a big step as with OCD I have some pretty big control issues and letting go and letting them be kids was a challenge for me.
I started with asking them to come outside and talk to me when I was hanging the washing, asking each child on a different night so it was one on one to help with dinner, I also started just sitting in the same room as them as they played the xbox, or sitting in my daughters room as she coloured or played teacher. I now love playing teacher where I used to cringe when she asked. But I limit myself, I tell them before hand OK, Mummy can play for 20mins...
I now also enjoy taking them out, I'll grab myself a coffee, they grab their scooters and we head to the skate park, or the bike park, or the pool. My kids are at an age now that they don't want me to always participate just taking them somewhere or just being there is often enough.
Now I also spend 30mins on alternate weekends with just one child and I'll take them out for a milkshake / morning tea.
Set your limits, find out what you are comfortable with. Take a walk with them, exercise is great medicine, but also get out with just the girls if you can, even if its for half hour in the evening once a week when hubby is home and you head to Maccas for a coffee.
We walk as a family every night, hubby me, the three kids and the dog. Then at dinner time we all sit together and talk about our day. I also found this helped.
But most of all don't put pressure on yourself and judge yourself on what other mothers say they do with their kids.
Your being the best Mum you can.
Hopefully I have been of some help.
Good Luck IM.