I've been married for 2 months... I love my husband and do my best to keep him happy but he's suffering depression and anxiety pretty badly and most days won't leave the house until it's dark. He has no sex drive, can't seem to appreciate the good things he has (like me and his 4 year old son) and has told me on more than one occasion that sometimes he wishes he didn't wake up. It hurts me to watch the man i love become this empty shell of himself. He's a former drug addict and is now on methadone. He constantly puts himself down for mistakes he made in the past and can't seem to see his good qualities. I try to remind him of what makes him special and all the things hes got to feel grateful for but it doesn't seem to help. I know he appreciates me but sometimes it's really hard to not feel like I'm failing as a wife because I can't make him happy again. I know it sounds dumb and that it's not my fault but it just feels like I'm doing something wrong.
I've tried to get him to see a doctor but he seems to be convinced nothing can work because it never has in the past when he's been to counsellors or taken medications.
I don't know what to do or to think.
how do I cope with hubby's declining mental health
how do I cope with hubby's declining mental health
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
8 Replies
Firstly get as much info as you can on depression and anxiety. Beyond blue is a great resource. Secondly if he wont get help for himself YOU need to get yourself someone to talk to on a regular basis so talk to your GP about a counsellor or psychologist so you have a safe place to talk, vent and problem solve. Its not your fault, you can not love him enough, cheer him on enough, or be perfect enough to make him feel better, it is an illness.
Thank you so much. I've been thinking about getting myself some help but wasn't sure. It sounds weird but I feel like I can't complain because I know he's dealing with so much. But it's so much to take on by myself. I've been on anxiety meds for the past 7 years and have had some really bad relationships until now and it seems like I finally found the man i deserve to be with and I'm being forced to watch as he slowly falls.
Carers absolutely need support. It's a thankless task of worry, anxiety etc. so there is no need to doubt that you need support too. I don't know if there are any support groups you could join but in my caring role I found them invaluable for my sons specific illness.
Can this be posted to Facebook please
I'd really appreciate more opinions
I don't know what the answer is, but you're not alone. My wonderful, caring and amazing husband suffers from anxiety and panic attacks as well as agoraphobia. He hasn't left our house in 8 years. He is depressed and only just surviving. If he could end his life without leaving a trace behind he would of years ago. He loves his kids but that love is not stronger than this horrible thing called mental illness. He is getting worse and worse - i don't know how much longer he can fight this. He hardly sleeps, wont leave the house, needs either me or his mum with him 24/7 or he has a panic attack. You're not alone - please feel free to chat to me anytime you need to vent.
I'm really worried he's headed down that path of becoming agoraphobic.
He thinks the house we live in its a huge contributing factor as there's a really noisy dog next door as well as obnoxious neighbours, but I feel like they're just making his mental state worse not actually causing it. I dunno... It sucks.
It's just hard to understand and cope with sometimes.
I also feel useless...i can't fix him and it's horrible to watch such an amazing man be consumed by his own mind right in front of me. He hates being a burden to his family but doesn't have the strength to fight this. He deserves so much more than this :-(
I just wanted to say, thankyou for posting. You are not alone. I posted recently about my partners issues in a post titled "dealing with an addicted partner"... I think that you are an amazing person & need all the support you can get in dealing with this. Does anyone else know about his past or him being on the program?
I am unsure of whether to open up to others about it