How to cope with sexual assault

Trigger warning. Sexual assault.

A few years back i was sexually assaulted by my ex among many other types of abuse but this is something i don't seem to be able to over come. I see a councler every fortnight and she helps me but its something that doesn't stop playing over in my head. Lately its all i can think about day and night. She tells me to give it time but its been years.
Every night i was with him we had to have sex this went on for years. At the start of our relationship that was okay for me as it was new and exciting the honey moon period but when he told me we had to do it every night to show each other we loved each other it became to much. But saying no wasnt an answer he took lightly. He would tell me that we can kiss in public hold hands, hug and all those things but how can we show each other we truly love each other behind closed doors. He always found a way to guilt me into it.
He would always do things to me that made me feel so uncomfortable but i was always to scard to say stop because he would burst out in anger. One night after he was hurting my breast by squeezing them to hard i asked him to stop as i was in pain and he didn't told me to stop trying to get out of it. When he figured i had faked an orgasm to hurry him up he was furious he wouldn't let me off him and was yelling at me. Then i tryed to get out of bed only for him to hold me down telling me how worthless I am and im shit in bed and wouldn't let me get dressed throwing my clothes out of reach, while i was screaming he had an erection the whole time. The next day he told me how hurt he was that i had faked it and he managed to make me feel terrible. This happened a few times among with other things he would do to me. But i could never leave because he told me if i did no one would want me and he would kill him slef. This went on for years. So i stayed way to scard to ever say no to him.
I would like to charge him because i am living with this pain that i thought would go away but it hasn't, i hate that i am living like this and he is walking and dating girls as if he hasn't done anything wrong. But i don't know if this is enough and i don't want to look like and idiot to the cops if i tell them. Will I?
Can any one tell me how to cope with this pain?