Before I get into my question here is a little background: So I've always had a rocky relationship with my mother. She has aspergers which makes it hard for her to interact and understand other people. Growing up life was very difficult. She was emotionally and psychologically abusive (although I don't think any of it was intentional). Mum wasn't very good with organisation or money either so we often were without much food, living in strange places and everywhere was always unhygienic. Needless to say this was not the most ideal childhood. I still love my mother very much and now that I understand her condition more and she has gotten help with other medical issues our relationship is a lot stronger. However I know that at times I can treat her more like a child then my mother (but this is because the way she reasons tends to be more like a childs then an adult).
Now my issue is that my mum knows that I love her but she feels like I don't respect her, value her opinions or that she is a important part of my life. She most certainly is an important part of my life and I do value her opinions and I do respect her to a degree but its hard to respect someone who treated you so badly as a child, even if you do understand why. I've also got to take everything she says with a grain of salt because some of the time its just not true (she has some delusional thinking around health issues. Well more obsessive then delusional) and other times its offensive/not helpful at all. So yes sometimes her opinions are hard to take. And sometimes it is harder to have her in certain situations, not because I don't want her there or not because she isn't important but because of the way she may react which would make the situation very stressful.
I don't want her to feel like this though. I love her and I want her to be happy. I accept how things were growing up and I don't want to make her suffer or anything like that. But I also accept the way things are now and I'm not sure how I can change them to help ease her mind (and mine) and make her feel more included. Please I.M's any advice?
1 Replies
I think the best thing you can do is to try to learn more about Aspergers through online Autism communities etc. Remember though that if you've met one person with Aspergers, you've met one person with Aspergers. Also speak to your mother. Ask your mum how you can make her feel valued. Only she can really give you this answer, as what she wants and needs is something only she knows. Good luck