I have been accused of being condescending when I talk to my friends. I don't feel like I'm being condescending, I don't feel arrogant. They ask for advice on how to do something, I use my experience to tell them what works for me, and now I've been told through an outside party that this person thinks I'm condescending. I'm trying to help.
Am I being too helpful? Or arrogant by offering suggestions if her previous attempts don't work? Or condescending because I've already been through it and have experience that I'm quite willing to share? What's the point of experience if no one uses it? I need to know so I can fix this, I don't want to be that friend that no one wants to spend time with because they seem superior in attitude, (also another accusation)
And how would I go about not being that person? How would I become a better friend? What should I do? Apparently if I just bring it up and try to fix it directly, that could cause the other person to feel inferior as well. How can I fix it if I can't talk to the other person about it?
This is partial vent, but mostly I really need advice, I am socially challenged at the best of times, and I thought these 2 people would understand my problems in this, as they know the majority of my story. But apparently they both feel I'm arrogant, condescending and superior to them. I couldn't sleep properly last night as this has hit below the belt, this is one of my core support areas and who I go to for help and girl time as well. I just can't fathom how someone who is supposed to be my best friend could hide this from me for so long. (We've been friends for 10+ years)
2 Replies
I guess the best way to be a good friend, is to listen... Only offer advice on what someone should do if a friend directly asks for it. I guess you need to remember that even though a solution to a problem may have worked for you, it might not work for your friend. Perhaps instead of prompting a discussion about what you think your friend could/should do... Ask your friend the question "What are you going to do...?"
You may even find that when you stop giving your friend advice, she might even miss it; and she might just realise that at no time ever did you mean anything you said to be arrogant or condescending.
It is tough to be socially challenged; I feel your pain. Don't take this personally, use it as constructive advice. Good luck mumma!
its been working so far. I only offer advice when i am asked, but I'm asked more now. Thanks heaps for the advice.