Please help! I can't believe that I am turning to a forum such as this. Not that there is anything wrong with it, I often read other IM's stories and posts and often want to provide feedback or say you're doing a great job with what you have, but just have that fear of ridicule. But here I am. I would appreciate IM's help. Apologies in advance for the king story.
My child is 8, for about 18 months there have been instances which has caused concern for my husband and I. We come from a normal mum, dad and 3 kids family.
One of our children seems to think it's ok to use their hands or other body parts with other children. Things like; kissing, lying on top of the opposite sex, touching, asking other children to show their private parts.
When we so find out about it we ask our child why they did this or what happened and the response is always, I don't know or denies everything and says nothing happened.
One day I walked in and they were under the covers together lying on top of each other, and the child still tried to deny it.
We have tried everything from loss of privlidges, to not going anywhere, to discipline even had psychology treatment which we were told there is nothing wrong.
I am by no means sitting on my hands and not doing anything in relation to this behaviour.
There is no form of sexual assault, or anything like that happening, please refrain from making these comments. Trust me if this were going on, I would know about it!
We have lost friends over this, I find it extremely embarrassing and disgusting. I do not feel that this is normal behaviour. We have never ever demonstrated or had any of our 3 children walk in while my husband are having sexual relations, so how a child could even comprehend what actions mean, is a complete and utter disbelief.
What can I do to help my child? How do I stop this from escalating? Any helpful advice would be greatly appreciated!
6 Replies
I'd not let him out of my sight with other children. If you know the child does this stuff make sure you can see him. Yes it perfectly normal for kids to 'play doctor' but you do need to stop it. Also make sure the child isn't watching anything on TV that would have sex in it. The only way to stop it is not give the child the opportunity.
Firstly, have you sat down with the child and had "the sex talk" if you haven't, nows the time to do it!
The child is proberly just curious, and you need to explain that the actions were inappropriate and why they were inapropriate. Be open forum - NO topic is off limits. if they have questions then answer them.
Also, check internet activity. Many children have been lured by internet sex sites and it is very easy to become vicitim to these people and sites without even realising it. - there was an episode of SVU based on a real story of this...i was also a vicitim and was enticed to do certain things (thats a whole other story)
I also suggest the child speak to a pshychologist ongoing ALONE! If there is anything bothering them at all then t may take lots of sessions for the child to open up.
Please DONT make your child feel guily about anything thats been done so far - the child doesnt understand the urges, the feelings or the emotions behind the actions. Consider it as the child is also a victim of the emotions.
And possibly take a look at the tv that gets watched, the magazines that get purchased and any video games that may be leading to this behaciour as well.
This is in now way reflective of the parent you are. You have done nothing wrong. YOU are an amazing parent for wanting the help the child. Take a deep breath, keep calm and soldier on./
All the best
I'm not been judgemental but you don't know for certainty your son has not been mollested. You can't possibly know this for a fact, he is 8, I doubt in 8 years you have been with him 24/7. Anything can happen, even in 5 minutes. My daughter was at day care and she was only 3 years old when another girl her age started touching her and kissing her chest. We didn't find out about it until a few months later! My daughter didn't act out or act strange until about a year a half later when she started trying to touch my private area and lick my nipple. So who knows this could have been something he picked up from another child at day care or school. I'm not saying thats what happened, I'm saying you never know! On the other hand he's 8 years old and maybe he is just more curious at a younger age. When my son started touching himself I freaked out and sought help to be told that it is a natural urge, sex and masturbation is a natural urge we all have and doesn't necessarily have to be taught. Perhaps he just has this natural urge but is too young to understand how to express and and too young to understand what he is doing isn't appropriate. He definitely could have learnt this from a TV show or youtube or even a music video or game! Sex is everywhere these days. I remember when I was very young I had a limited understanding of sex from a movie that was like M rated. I would continue to communicate with him, and I would make sure you keep in therapy, don't just send him for a few sessions to be told everything is fine, everything is not fine! What he is doing is not OK and he needs to learn to control it before he grows up and gets into serious trouble or before he damages another child for life. I know you love him and are doing everything you can and I respect you for this but perhaps its time to seek further professional help because this thing is clearly way out of your hands. Good luck to you and good luck to your son! lots of love been sent your way.
Also have to agree with previous poster I would make sure you are with him when he has friend overs, don't let him at their house and make sure you keep a constant eye on him.
Kelly here. Could the anonymous poster of this question FB message me - as I have a person who would like to contact you and share what they've been through with you. Thanks
I "explored" body parts and touching when I was around 8-9yrs old.
Mums n dads
Nurses and doctors
With 3 close friends
And a cousin
I don't feel I was violated in any way, maybe marginally embarrassed to think back.
I was a straight a student
Parents had relationship issues
I probably watched tv shows I wouldn't allow my own children to watch
Dad was an alcoholic
I was the model of a perfect child, behaviour wise & accademically
Little bit mischievous at home
But raised in an average suburb
In our own home
Family and friends close by
I don't see myself as flawed from this
I do teach my own children boundaries, as others have said in response to yr post.
It's not disgusting, it's explorative
Maybe try a Paed instead of a counsellor
You don't want yr child thinking there's something wrong with them
Best lucj