I'm not quite sure where to begin, however, i guess at the start. I am easily an imperfect step-dad. Having not had any younger siblings growing up, and a questionable father of my own, i never truly felt that 'ease' with children. Honestly, over my life i have gone back and forth on whether or not children are a thing for me. However after meeting my partner and her daughter, it changed for me.
My partner has a daughter of her own, which has become not only my partners child but my world. I have always been terrified of letting that become true because of the possibility, and the knowledge that at any stage it could be taken away from me.
My partner and I have had, it would be fair to say and up and down relationship. We have broken up once before, and have now seemingly heading down the path once more.
We recently moved in together, and whilst it has been a difficult transition for us both (due to our past histories) it still feels as though it was the right move to make.
Unfortunately, due to arguments over money, or over our daughter, or my work, we seem to have hit that rocky point where it can be difficult to come back from. Despite this, I truly believe with all my heart that a relationship, can come back from anything when it comes from a good place.
Sadly my partner has decided unequivocally over a weekend that she wants to leave. I was not included in any discussion over this decision, and perhaps that's how it works, but I just know i do not want to see a relationship that means more to me then anything go up in smoke.
I am unsure what to do.. knowing that, by simply sitting back and letting her leave, i will be losing my family.. losing 2 people that mean more to me in the world..
I know they say as the man, you need to 'man up' and accept the decision and just deal with it..
But when you know in the deepest part of your soul this is the person for you. That you have found where you belong in this world, no matter what, how do you just let go?
I know that my partner follows this site on Facebook, and is likely to read this post should it end up on there.. But i write, and throw myself on the mercy of your followers, because i am simply a man who is deeply in love, a man who does not want to lose his family, and a man who may be imperfect, but would never stop trying to be the man my family deserves.
4 Replies
First let he tread your post, second sit down and work out the "guidelines" for the house. Guideline being budgets, work, money, everything and then go from their. My brother inlaw was in your shoes he even got engaged after 2 yrs she took everything including the kid that calls him daddy, it was really bad.
I think whenever there is a break up there can be a fine line between not wanting to work on the issues and being intense and scary. In not saying your being intense or scary but just to watch that line.
I think once she has read this I'd suggest relationship counselling before you move back in with each other. I think before moving in together for the first time it's important to have discussions about how you both plan to manage money, how you will deal with disagreements, who will do housework, gardening, how many nights a week will I catch up with mates etc. and yeah you may renegotiate those things over time but if you can't negotiate successfully before you live together it's not going to work when you are living together. I think that's especially important to do when there are kids involved.
I think people make this mistake that relationships should be easy and things should just fall into place, and that's just not true.
Relationship counselling is about learning how to negotiate, resolve conflicts etc without one of you running away.
Good luck I hope it works out for you
Thanks for your suggestions, sadly she left yesterday (Friday the 13th of all days...) and that seems to be the end of us. I guess it shows no matter how much you care, it doesn't always matter.
So sorry to hear that. Just so you know, you can move on from this. You can find what you are looking for. You've probably realised what you do want out of a relationship in the future. Take some time to regroup and look at working on some of those issues from your past so next time you can move forward from a place of strength. Stay strong.