Hi mums and ladies,
I've been with my husband for nearly 10 years. We have been married for three. We have two kids.
I cheated on my husband this year via a office affair. No, I am not proud of it, yes I regret it immensely and it replays in my head almost everyday with guilt. He luckily gave me a second chance and is trying hard to fix what was broken in order for me to do it. Please don't think that I agree that he should be doing that, I believe that there is no excuse however in order for me to move on and know why I did cheat, I figured I had to work out what was wrong and what made me do it. I've suffered depression the majority of my adult life. Sever anxiety and I have massive negativity on life. My husband is very happy, positive and selfless. I am the opposite.
I wish I could be happy. He tells me what do I want to be happy and I tell him but then I'm still not happy. I am always negative, I always worry about what others think of me and especially now I have lost all self confidence because people know what happened and I'm embarrassed. I can't turn back time but I do know I will never do it again.
I think it was for attention, I liked the idea of men giving me attention which I felt my husband didn't. Silly I know!!! And I have no self clntrol.
I don't want my kids growing up with us fighting or me snapping. I constantly snap at my husband and my kids.
I wish I could be grateful for all I have and what my husband does. Cause I don't want to lose him.
How can I be happy?? I used to see psychologists but it was so expensive and time consuming with kids.
I just don't want to feel like this anymore. I hate myself
4 Replies
Go back to the psychologist. Spend the money, invest in your families future. You know deep down you need to work on yourself in order to fix this situation.
If you go to your dr get a mental health plan done and get a referral your psychologists will be covered by Medicare. You need to get help for you, for your relationship and for your family. Mine just started bulk billing me because I'm constantly telling her one of my biggest stresses is money and it puts a huge strain on me and our relationship. Good luck
It could have been me writing this. I didn't have a full on affair but when drunk I crossed a line with flirting with a colleague and then flirted via text. It would have gotten physical had my partner not found out.
Anyhow I have very similar issues like you do and found talking to a really good psychologist about it helped. My partner and I were in relationship counselling but I found that quite useless because after me cheating the focus was on the cheating and not on more on the underlying issues such as my mental health, hubby's physical controlling behaviour (never hitting but once sat on my chest until I told him what I was talking to a girlfriend about and threatened to break my arm) etc.
I found a psychologist focusing on the mental health aspect so much better and she brought certain issues/patterns to my attention. Like previously being depressed actually when analysing my moods was more like a cycle of highs and lows which I never actually noticed. During the highs I had lots of energy and was impulsive which is when I cheated. So that would be under a mental health plan unlike the relationship counselling.
Best of luck with your journey. I know you feel like crap but everyone makes mistakes and it is just something you will learn from and a mistake you won't make again. Xx
I think u have put it all in ur husband as being his fault and made excuses to why u did it. Do I think he is happy all the time he prob isn't but has he cheated. U need to grow up take responsibility for ur actions and b greatful he has given u a second chance. U messed up not him go be a mum and a wife