I've always known my child needed extra support and have strived to provide.
But I can't understand him. Now 5 and is linked in with behaviour services, pediatrician, receives additional support at daycare and kinder. Has seen counsellors.
No diagnosis but initially suspected adhd. I agreed in the beginning now not so sure. He is mostly too intelligent for his own good but simple things he struggles with. He was highly active but can have really good weeks and concentrate on things of interest etc.
Today yet again the daycare has called rand told me about his angry outburst where he throws things , comes through like a tornado, stares through them when spoken too, sits and screams blue murder. He knows better, he can talk and has no issues communicating wants and needs and all I can put it down to is attention because his bored and attended same daycare since 6 months old. Preschool had same problemsin the beginning as his first year but no longer report issues this term and seems settled.
At home his ignorant, selfish, demanding , doesn't listen and ignores me but can hear me has had hearing check also. He makes me so cross I out myself in time out. Then he can go weeks being a perfect angel.If he has your undivided attention appears more content. Is an only child.
I can't work out if he has an additional need or needs a fair slap. I do smack my child, I try to pick my battles and set small goals to work on.
He has serious anger issues but have been working on this for so long and seems to be managed well for so long then all of a sudden back to the same outburst. .
Any ideas , stories to share etc. Greatly appreciate not sure what else to do.
Obviously hard to give full details in short post .
4 Replies
Ok firstly, I used to work in the behaviour services. It can be frustrating but not all children fit a diagnosis. I think when a child can fit a diagnosis it becomes a kind of oh that all makes sense but when no diagnosis fits exactly it can leave you feeling scrambling. However I will say that kids with ADHD can have anger issues (they have to work so hard to maintain calm and good concentration that it often leads to sudden melt downs, because they are exhausted from trying so hard), and sudden outbursts and can have periods of high concentration and good behaviour, so I wouldn't scratch that off my list just yet.
Secondly all 5 year olds are ignorant, that is what they are, if he wasn't ignorant he would be an adult.
Thirdly do you have a behaviour service for in the home, and one service that manages all locations? Personally I found the kids that get the best outcomes need a behavioural psychologist that makes sure everything is consistent across the board. Home, kindy, day-care. If you have one behaviour specialist in one location and another in a different location and they aren't communicating things can get confusing!
Thirdly any child is going to have improvements and backward slides. They are kids and improvement doesn't happen in a straight line.
Fourthly as a mum with an adult with ASD please stop smacking. It just doesn't work. It might shock them in the moment for awhile but in the long term it quickly looses it's affect and then you have nothing to go to except a much, much harder smack. It's a viscous cycle.
And lastly you need your own mental health care plan and emotional support through this. It is hard work and you need a safe person to vent to on a regular basis so get your self your own personal counsellor so you can talk to someone regularly and safely.
Document it all keep a diary....record all outbursts record all changes in mood and record how long each of these issues last is it days weeks months....and record these astonishingly good periods.....adhd isnt episodic......
There are disorders that are.....but they don't diagnose them in children and you will need these records to establish history when the time comes for diagnosis
Put him on a therapeutic dose of fish oil......I won't say why but is research from Melbourne university suggesting children with a therapeutic dose for up to 5 years benefit long term by a reduced risk of psychosis and iv seen it work.....
And what will it hurt.....a therapeutic dose is 1000-2000mcg a day
I had alot of problems with confrontatìons with my youngest at various times in 3 and 4yo kinder preschool and school......I basically banned confrontations by preschool because it only escalated. I told them outright if she can't right now step away go on with the activity and she will join you when ready. I have reinforced that ever since and there stopped being the violent outbursts entirely......their timing was off.....the teachers and carers simply didn't know her well enough to know when to approach and when to simply not......and it never took more than a minute or two for her to come and join them.
Confrontation has NEVER been the way to deal with her if you want violence corner and confront her.....
My daughter has prepubescent bipolar disorder it is exceptionally rare. It is episodic...although normally in children it isnt as clearly episodic as hers is....and it is pretty much never diagnosed in australia. She was only diagnosed because hers is acute.......they had no choice but to diagnose.....it was 10 years of dealing with it without any help at all before she was diagnosed. You have more supports than we did........stick to what you are doing some of those tips might help and they won't hurt at least.....and record everything....regardless of what it is it I such a recorded history that is critical in diagnosing