This is the Imperfect Grandma moment.
Has anyone here been through the legal system to get access to their Grandchildren? Did you get access?
6 years of looking and I finally found my GD on facebook. Her Mum immediately blocked contact.
I don't have the finances to get a fancy lawyer, or an investigator, but I now know my GD's want us in their life. I have to do something.
Finding them and losing them again has broken my heart even more.
Any advise appreciated.
6 Replies
Don't do it. You are not likely to get very much contact at all, if any. It's an expensive process, it's incredibly stressful and it can also be stressful for the child.
Wait until your grand daughter is an adult to reach out.
If the parents aren't open to you having contact they have there reasons. So sometimes they are good reasons, sometimes they are bad reasons, but they are there reasons and they are the parents.
Could you imagine someone taking you to court for access to a child that is not there's?
Yes it is sad, but you are not a parent.
I agree with that. Also, you'd have better luck and a better Chance at a healthy relationship with them if you invested your time into communicating with the mother to work out how to have a healthy relationship with the grand daughters while respecting her wishes, and actually respecting whatever they may be and working to.fulfill them, that's more important than barging in with court orders. And stepping over her anyway.
Sadly you won't get far. It is a horribly long process that can turn sour and go against you.
Don't be sad about Facebook and kids. Kids today are horrible to be friends with on Facebook. They post random rubbish and it makes it so hard to want to stay 'friends' with them.
Be strong, write a letter to them when you are feeling low and put it in an envelope and put it in a box to give them when they are older. They will appreciate that. I have kept my grandmothers letters from when I was young (way before computers) we lived a long way away from her and our only contact was via post or a phone call once a month for 5 minutes because long distance phone calls were expensive. Write your letters put the date on them, tell them about your life and how you are feeling. It will get it off your chest and you can move on. Tell them how things were at the beginning in your eyes and how you understand how things went wrong and their mum moved to move on with her life. If you truly believe they are 'at risk' then talk to Childrens services but have factual information so if they are ever taken off her or your son that you are available. But by the sounds of it they have access to Facebook and shes monitoring it so she may be doing ok.
you have about as many rights as step parents which is diddley squat. be nice to the custodial parent and foster a relationship yes it is more work than flogging them with the court but it is what works
Without sounding rude, how do you know what your granddaughter wants after six years?
While I think it is important to have grandparents involved in their lives, ultimately I believe it is up to the parents as they are responsible for their own children.
For a grandparent to get access, you need to have been had a continual presence in the child's life and been involved in their upbringing.
I agree with some others, try and regain a relationship with the parents and go from there. If they still choose not to have you involved, you will have to wait until the children are old enough to make that call for themselves.
As the child of a situation like this, I missed out. I still do as do my children, it became transgenerational. I see meme's all the time about cousins being your first friends etc etc ... I didn't have that and am not close to any of my mothers family. My mother thought it 'best' to keep me away because of 'family feuds' ... Now ... Because of that ... I am part of the family feuds...it didn't protect me from it.... It was always 'us & them'... 'They' (being mothers family) would be receptive to a relationship, but I feel stuck between having such and 'doing the wrong thing by my mother'. My nana recently passed away, the regrets spoken around her death bed, funeral and since .... Have been heartbreaking. After spending time and seeing my partners family, it's something I wish I had had, it's something I wish my children could have.