this is long but I will keep it as brief as possible. just off the top of my head there is A LOT more going on that would make this too long a post!! we have recently helped out a friend and her 2 kids by letting them move in with us cause they didn't have anywhere else to go and now I'm worried about when they move out how the kids will be. they both only get breakfast lunch and dinner and much too small portions for their age so their bodies are already going into starvation mode, but also no snacks in between those times just water.. both kids come to my husband or myself if they want any more food or even to be played with they as good as refuse to ask mum first cause she almost always says no to them for food or attention or anything. she just sits on the couch and watches a movie or cartoons or something and my hubby n I are the ones watching and feeding her kids as well as our own 2 young toddlers. both her kids don't go to sleep of a night until at least 8pm n they're crying for at least an hour but she just ignores them. I honestly think that my 2yo has a better vocabulary than her 4.5 year old and she starts prep next year and hubby are legitimately worried about how she'll go.. she's very smart but she can't even count properly to 5 and both seem to be underweight, our 1 year old is heavier to pick up than EITHER of them. it actually makes me teary n stuff thinking about what life is going to be like for them after they leave. we don't want to say anything to her for fear of insulting her or making things really awkward to say the least. we don't want to report her or anything cause we're afraid of sending them into foster care n being in a worse home or just as bad. she legitimately doesn't seem interested in teaching or playing with her kids, n she might think that's just as insulting to her n we're worried she might think we're taking over n raising her kids like our own. not really sure what my question is I guess just what would you do and how would you handle a situation like this. we feel like if we do help we're dammed n if we don't we're dammed. really caught between a rock and a hard place they have diff dads one is in the picture and one isn't but the one that is acts the exact same way she does.
TIA
5 Replies
Please, for the sake of the children, speak to someone about this. If you don't feel that you can talk to her, perhaps child services. Please think about the children, I understand that you don't want to offend your friend but if the children are being neglected they are not able to stand up for themselves and need someone to do it for them.
In a normal world, I would say to report this. However, having dealt with child services with my sister, they are completely useless!
So yep, calling child services will put her and you under severe stress, and achieve jack. Having said that, my dealings was 15 years ago and they may have improved.
However, if you don't call, and something happens with these kids, can you live with it? Will you wonder if you could have saved them if you made the call? Really tough situation.
Can you afford to be feeding them all the time along with your own family ??
Once they start school, that will help as there will be other people who can pick up on things not right. Teachers have mandatory reporting.
I think at the end of the day, I'd make the call. And in the meantime, play, talk, feed the kids as much as you can while she's with you. Sooo tough :(
Perhaps encourage her to seek some counselling. She seems depressed. No excuse just observation from what you have written here. Keep interacting with her children, they are the victims here. Perhaps you could encourage her to join in with family time with games or going to a park all together. Cook a meal together as a family and include her, encouraging her to join in the fun.
If you are genuinely worried, then report what you know. Child saftey in Australia works to keep families together, so they will offer her support and programs ect to help. You need to think of those kids first tho. If you do nothing, then nothing will change. If you report it, everything can change. Most foster carers are amazing. And they will have access to all types of help to catch them up.
Obviously the mother is down and out at the moment having had nowhere to live etc and may be depressed. You have been very compassionate in taking her and her children in. Maybe you can help her a little more you say that you are feeding the kids so they should be eating enough or if not maybe you can encourage and show the mother how to do things differently it sounds like she needs support at the moment. Perhaps you could also talk to her about counselling, applying for government housing or seeking out other support services for her. In regards to her daughter starting school - did she go to kinder or have her 4y.o health checks??