Today I found out my ex does have a baby to my old best friend (friends since we were 7) they were cheating behind my back & always denied it. They also denied that the baby was his, they let me feel crazy, paranoid, sorry for always asking them. I have waited for 8 yrs to hear the truth, at first I felt like a huge weight was lifted. Now that I never have to think about it again but I can feel those feelings of anger, sadness & the hurt resurfacing. I want to talk about it with them again, I want an apology, an explanation at least from him. In the same breath I also know that 8 yrs have past & nothing can be changed about the situation so talking won't help. I'm also aware the decision to keep her child was all her own. So I do feel for her & the difficult position she would have been left to deal with. I honestly put most of the blame on the Ex & I'm so glad his out of my life.
I'm in an amazing place right now, have an endless list of stuff to be thankful for so how do I stop this from sending me backwards, is there anything I can do to just let it go? We have a child together, who would have only been a few weeks old when they conceived their child together. That's why it makes it a bit more painful
4 Replies
I would be furious, that is a horrible situation. I had an experience in a relationship (I was very young) where I knew that something was wrong but couldn't put my finger on it. I felt like I was going insane. In the end the relationship fell apart. A few years ago I found out he was being sexually abused from a young age which continued throughout our relationship. I felt so relieved when I found out and so many things fell into place. I had to grieve for the relationship again but I did move past it. So although its not the same situation I kind of get it.
Take some time allow yourself some time to feel and go through the emotions, but if you feel like you are getting stuck and not moving past it go seek some counselling.
Wow just wow! What arseholes! Both of them.. Maybe look at getting some counselling for yourself. I don't have any other ideas for you. I just want to give you a big hug xx
Wow. Just wow. What a horrible situation. All I can say is that my anger (at cheating husband) passed in an instant the secondI rrealised how much energy it takes being angry all the time. I wasn't waisting my precious energy on something I couldn't change :) It took a little while but once it hit me I went from fury to indifferent in a heartbeat and never felt better. Good luck mumma don't the pay drag you down, it's done and hating it won't change anything. Sending love x
You are such a strong mama. You have moved forward and created your life which sounds really positive!
One way that you might prevent them from affecting your happiness might be to not give them power over you. When you let others upset you, you give your power away.
I love this quote 'we are walking a dangerous road when we give people power over our feelings, because ultimately we are giving away more than feelings. We are giving away a piece of our self image. The moment I let 'so and so' make me feel a certain way I begin to allow that person to shape a little of how I see myself'
Even if you really want one, I don't think searching for an apology will help. It will show them that they still have the ability to affect your life. Build up a protective bubble around you, know that they need to live with the consequences of their actions (relationship breakdown, guilt, loss of friend etc).
What will help is focussing on the future & on building the best life possible for you and your child, Don't permit them to drag you back into the past.